Shattered
by xFirex
Summary: Bella Swan was the victim of a terrible accident that took her best friend's life. Could the arrival of new student Edward Masen help heal her physical and mental injuries? Or will she continue to push him away to wallow in her guilt? All Human.
1. Prologue: The Crash

**A/N: **Hey! This is my first fanfiction to this site. This was originally a story I submitted for a contest at my school; I just altered it so that it was Twilight based and changed a few details. The song used throughout this story is "Shattered" by O.A.R. Check it out; it's pretty sweet. =)

This is probably going to be about ten chapters long, or so. Not very long. It's rated M because of some language and a huge possibility of a lemon at the end.

**Disclaimer:** If you recognize a character, he/she is probably owned by S.M. Not me.

**Please Read and Review! Thanks!**

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**Preface: The Crash**

"Oh, no, he didn't!"

"He did, Alice, he did!" I crowed, ducking my head with laughter and nearly rolling around in my seat. I faced Alice—the seatbelt twisting awkwardly around me — and watched as she adjusted the steering wheel slightly to curve down the street in Charlie — her dusty-blue 1987 VW Quantum Syncro wagon.

"Damn! I can't believe it!" Alice exclaimed over the pounding music of O.A.R. "He must've been really desperate to do that!" Mary Alice Brandon briefly took her sparkling green eyes off the road for a second to turn towards me, lips pulled wide with mirth.

I would remember this moment forever.

Summer was gradually fading away to fall — but of course, fall was a non-existent word in the sunny city of Tucson, Arizona; there were only two seasons: summer and a slightly colder summer. The sun's rays beat down on us like any typical day. The sky was painted a stunning sapphire, dotted with the occasional puff of cloud.

Massive saguaro cacti whipped past us in the golden-brown desert scene, broken up by little rectangular houses that were planted on the dry, cracked ground. We had our windows rolled down on account of the ninety-five degree scorching heat, even warmer than the usual early October weather. The radio was cranked up to full volume, blasting out the lyrics to "Shattered."

_Stumble out, in the night, from the pouring rain…_

I remembered the little details as well. There was a strand of loose coppery-brown hair from her short ponytail that slapped at Alice's tanned, heart-shaped face from the outside breeze. I was wearing one black flip flop on my right foot and one slightly smaller white flip flop on my left foot — Alice had stole one of my black ones in a playful fit.

We were both wearing shorts and a tank top, displaying our dark tans — well, _her_ dark tan as my skin refused to tan under any circumstances; I remained a pale peach color that looked even paler in comparison to my dark hair and eyes — from sitting out by the pool all summer.

From the arm that casually rested on top of the steering wheel, I could see the intricately braided friendship bracelet baring her name. I had one similar to hers on the hand folded in my lap, though it spelled out my name instead of hers. "BELLA," mine read.

_Made the block, sat and thought, there's more I need... _

We were cruising down Speedway Boulevard when it happened.

_It's always back to you…_

That brief moment when Alice had her eyes off the road was all that fate needed. We were both too deep in our conversation and laughter to notice the hazard that sped towards us at illegal speeds.

My eyes flickered out the windshield a split second before impact; enough time for my lips to shape into a surprised 'o' with a silent scream, an expletive half-forming in my mind. _Sh—_

I turned towards Alice again to see her horrified eyes lock with mine. She jerked the wheel violently to avoid the speeding black truck but it still clipped the back of our bumper, sending us spinning wildly out of control.

A scream broke free from my frozen throat that collided with the ear-splitting screech of tires against pavement. I saw a blur of blue zooming closer to us before my body jerked forward violently and involuntarily. A sharp pain in my head shadowed everything with blackness. The last thing I remembered before I blacked out was seeing Alice's terrified face and the strangely illuminated digital clock on the dashboard, deafening shrieks of metal and human filling my ears; the flashing time remained imprinted under my lids as I floated away — 1:11. The music of the throbbing song "Shattered" was the last thing I heard before it faded away in my ears.

_How many times can I break till I shatter?..._

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**A/N:** Hey look! Another Author's Note! So this is just the prologue of my story. If you like it and want me to post more, please click the little green button below! Constructive criticism is absolutely loved, as well as words of praise. =)


	2. Chapter 1: The Pain

**A/N: **Here's the first chapter! Thanks to the two reviewers for leaving a message! ^.^;

Also, I'm sorry if there are any mistakes of any kind. Seeing as how I just joined up a couple days ago, I don't have a Beta. ^.^; And don't really know how to get one nor if I should. Of course I proof read everything, but, hey, I'm human! I make mistakes. Which is why you should leave a review on anything you see / don't like. Thanks!

**Please Read and Review!**

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**Chapter One: The Pain**

_Beep…Beep… Beep… Beep…_

It felt like something was pressing on my chest, making each breath a struggle. My whole body felt like I just ran a marathon. Wasn't heaven supposed to be pleasant? And that persistent beeping was extremely irritating. It was increasing in tempo, too. What was it?

_Beep… Beep… Beep…_

Was that my alarm?

"Doctor Cullen? I think she's waking up," a familiar voice called out through a haze of cloudiness. Yeah, I was waking up because of my alarm. Duh. Wait, _doctor_? What was a doctor doing in my room?

A recognizable set of footsteps faintly tapped towards me with a foreign set just behind. A familiar hand brushed gently at my face, but the touch felt like it was through a tub of pudding — sluggish and dim. But then the pudding was gradually being watered down as the touch grew clearer.

"Talk to her," a deep, calming voice boomed, and though it was very unfamiliar, I felt no alarm towards this stranger.

"Isabella? Bella? Sweetie, wake up," a familiar motherly voice urged tenderly. Mom?

An involuntary groan escaped between my lips as I shifted on the hard base under me. My bones and muscles jolted with pain as a throbbing pounded in my head. I struggled to lift my heavy lids; they twitched a couple times before I succeeded in completely opening them. Even then, the bright yellow room — in comparison to the darkness that held me hostage for so long — blinded me, forcing me to blink until my vision focused. But something about the way I looked at the world seemed different, though I couldn't quite place it. It was like my vision range shrunk a little.

The room was plain — definitely not my bedroom — and only had a small table in one of the corners. Some machinery sat at my right, including a heart monitor that was the source of the bleeping. It smelled strongly of cleaning alcohol and stale air. I was in a plain white bed with stiff white sheets covering my aching body. One look told me that my body seemed a lot lumpier than normal.

"Bella?" a voice said tentatively, and my strange eyes focused on a familiar face that looked so much like me: brown hair though hers is straight and mine is slightly wavy; warm, chocolate-brown eyes; a slender, oval facial structure; full lips; a small, slightly pointed nose; and smooth, pale skin. We could almost pass off as sisters though that would be incorrect by a generation.

When I opened my mouth to talk, a flinch of pain pulled at the skin of my left cheek, causing me to wince.

"Excuse me," the deep voice resounded as a tall, masculine figure stepped up to my side, adorned in a white doctor's coat. "Hello, Bella. I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen and I'm going to give you a little check-up right now." His features were amicable and handsome; he had blonde hair streaked at places with grey, a firm jaw layered with a thin blanket of dark stubble, and warm golden-brown eyes.

As Dr. Cullen went through the series of tests, my mother Renee stepped off into a corner where the small table stood, covered with familiar objects from home. She fiddled with my indigo radio until she stopped at a familiar station. The current song was flourishing to an end.

I mechanically followed Dr. Cullen's directions as he lightly pressed here and there, pausing when I flinched. He had pulled back the covers to reveal my heavily bandaged body. I wanted to ask why I was in here and so beat up, but a familiar song started up on the radio to interrupt me. A bizarre feeling of dread filled me, followed by confusion at this odd emotion. After a moment, the lyrics started to trickle into my mind.

_Stumble out, in the night, from the pouring rain._

_Made the block, sat and thought,_

_There's more I need. It's always back to you…_

The feeling of terror increased tenfold as my brain struggled to remember what exactly that song is from. Then the chorus hit.

_How many times can I break till I shatter?..._

An earsplitting scream drowned out the words, and Renee, Dr. Cullen, and two nurses darted to my side anxiously. It took me a moment to realize that the sound was coming from me. I slammed my hands over my ears and thrashed, unaware of the hammer of pain that beat down on my limbs as I did so. They tried to quiet me, but their words had no meaning to me as my screaming persisted.

That song. That dreadful song. All I could hear were those nine words repeating insistently in my head as it broke down the walls of my light amnesia and released the torrent of horrible memories.

"Turn it off! Turn it off!" my voice ripped from my throat while ghosts of the faint sounds of shrieking metal and panicked yells filled my ears as I remembered pain, sirens, and alarmed shouts. I didn't even notice the music being silenced and only faintly heard Dr. Coles saying something about a sedative. My mind was too far into the past to understand.

The song. The crash. Spinning wildly out of control. Pain in the head. Blacking out. Alice. _Alice._

As I faded away in real life, feeling drowsy all of a sudden, my mind kept replying the same horrid scene repeatedly and I couldn't help but find the one scenario that would've avoided it all.

When I woke up later, I weaseled what exactly happened during the crash out of Renee; she was reluctant to give me full details.

Turns out the speeding driver of the sleek, black truck was drunk. He had swerved into our lane while we weren't looking, and though we tried to move out of the way, he still clipped the back of our car to send us spiraling at intense speeds. A blue van that was behind us was able to avoid the drunk driver, but couldn't evade us and slammed into our car dead-on, flipping it into the air so that it landed on the roof. The drunk driver and his car suffered minor damages while the panicking woman of the blue van had to be admitted to the hospital and kept overnight.

Charlie, the faintly blue 1987 VW Quantum Syncro, was completely totaled; he had to be towed to the scrap yard. I was unconscious when the police and paramedics arrived, blood soaking the pavement. They rushed me to the hospital where they discovered that I had broken my right leg, part of my pelvis, a few ribs, and dislocated my shoulder. I was covered with purple and yellow bruises and my skin was completely ripped open by shards of glass and metal scraps. I hit my head pretty hard on the dashboard, though thankfully there was no concussion. I had broken part of my left cheekbone, shattered my nose, and something had cut across my left eye, partially severing it from its nerves.

I had consistently asked where Alice was once I woke up, if she was okay, if I could see her now; but those questions were always avoided. It took me a while to put the pieces together; the way everyone would look at me with pity when I asked, the way they would flinch at her name, the way they avoided anything to do with her around me. I finally asked a nurse directly when she was changing my bandages.

"Did Alice… die?" I said softly, unable to connect the words _Alice_ to _die_ very well. The nurse looked at me with sympathy and regret; that was enough for me. Alice was dead. I would never be able to rush over to her house with gossip, never have impromptu sleepovers, never try to beat her at volleyball and fail. Never.

But I didn't break down and cry right then. It didn't actually feel like she was gone. There was just numbness and denial to that fact; my body and mind wouldn't accept it.

The accident occurred Saturday afternoon at 1:11 P.M. It was now Friday night, having regained consciousness in the morning. I had been out for nearly a week, hallucinating from all the drugs and with all the surgery going on. But I wished that I had never woken up, like Alice. I didn't want to live while she didn't. That hardly felt fair.

Mary Alice Brandon passed away at 1:13 P.M. on October 4. The impact of the blue van on the driver's side crushed her body instantly, and her heart struggled to keep her alive for another two minutes. She was seventeen years old and a senior at Catalina High School. She made Homecoming Queen, Co-captain of the volleyball team, Principle Chair trombone in band, President of Student Council, and was class ranked number one. She would've made the basketball team, the tennis team, and Prom Queen, too, had that fateful day never occurred.

I had missed her funeral since I was unconscious. When the doctor gave me the okay to briefly leave the hospital under the watch of a nurse, I ventured to the cemetery in a wheelchair and sat there, staring at her tombstone, tears silently streaming down my face for the first time.

It was all my goddamn fault. I had distracted her from her driving. If I hadn't been talking so rambunctiously to her, she wouldn't have taken her eyes off the road. She would have been able to avoid the car and would still be alive today. And the blue van should've hit the passenger side of the car, not her side. Why should I be able to continue my life while she can't? I even considered following her to the one place I can't follow a few times.

Renee and Dr. Cullen saw the emotional turmoil I was going through and tried to help me. Throughout my stay at the hospital, a psychiatrist saw me daily, constantly asking me about my feelings. How the hell did she think I effing felt, for God's sake? I just killed my best friend, and I was still sitting here alive. I felt guilty. I felt sad. I felt angry. I felt confused. I felt shitty. I finally convinced my mother that the psychiatrist just made things worse, and she no longer came.

I was kept at the hospital for a month and a half as I healed the way Alice never would. My broken pelvis and leg mended as best as they could, though my walk would always have a limp from now on. My ribs were painful and would still bother me every time I took a deep breath. My cheekbone had healed nicely, though my once-straight nose was now partially crooked. My left eyelid forever drooped on its own as my nerves could not control it anymore.

When I looked in a mirror for the first time, I had screamed. I looked like a monster. My face, arms, and legs were crisscrossed with pale red scars. My left eyelid was out of my control, not matching up with my right one. I limped. Who would ever look at me anymore with anything other than disgust?

Even after I was discharged from the hospital, I was able to convince my mom to let me stay at home for a couple of weeks to 'regain my strength.' Then I told her that she needed to go back to work or else she would be fired. She agreed, and I was left alone at home for hours at a time, rotting in my bed or in front of the computer or T.V.

I would sometimes walk the five miles in the cool 75° weather to a little state park nearby, Sabino Canyon, and limp through the trails, ignoring the stares of strangers as I passed. Once, when the staring got to be too much, I hid in a little cove of Palo Verde trees tucked in a corner away from the trails. No one ever saw me, and this became my secret home, where I would go to crawl into a ball with tears trailing down my scarred cheeks. The wildlife gave me a wide berth, as is sensing my depression and hatred for the world and avoiding it.

Back home, my car gained a thin layer of dust as going anywhere near the door of a running motor vehicle sent tremors through my body. Biking and walking were my new ways of exercise as I refused to pick up a volleyball or basketball or tennis racket. I avoided radios and my iPod at all costs in fear of hearing that dreadful song again that would bring back the horrible memories. Of course, I couldn't avoid the memories in my dreams and nightmares as the scene would replay in my semi-consciousness until I woke up screaming.

Everyday, I would have an inevitable freak-out in the afternoon. It was a time when no matter what I was doing, I would hear the familiar honking horns of cars, screeching of tires against pavement, and terrified screaming from my memories. I would collapse on the ground, clutching my head at the same time every day even if I wasn't near a clock, as if my body was attuned to that time. _1:11 P.M_. I even tried hiding away in my safety hole in Sabino Canyon, but the grief still hit daily.

My mother finally got up the nerve to kick me out of my despair by telling me that she informed my school that I would be attending that Monday morning. I begged, I cried, I screamed, and I threw tantrums, but she held firm; I would be returning to school on December 1. She thought I needed to get on with my life. Is that possible?

That morning, like a robot, I got up at my mom's call, threw on a tatty pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, and limped down the stairs. Ignoring my mother's offer of some pancakes, I trudged out the door with my empty backpack slung over my shoulder and grabbed my bike, expecting a shitty day. Boy, I wasn't surprised.

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**A/N: **Aww, poor, sad Bella. She's a mess. (It's really weird calling my main character Bella because her name used to be Lexi in the original tale. In case you skimmed over it and have no idea what I'm talking about, this story was really a non-Twilight related story that I wrote for a writing contest at my school. I just basically changed the names around and changed a few physical details so that it's more Twilight-oriented. I'm also adding more details that I, ah, deemed inappropriate for a school environment, so... yeah. ;D That's where the M rating comes in.)

Sorry about the death of Alice; that means no hyperactive pixie trying to cheer Bella up. =( But she was the only one who fit into that character well without me having to completely change her, so.... deal? ;D I'm trying to use character names that you guys are familiar with so that there's SOME background. Maybe I could still work Jasper/Emmett/Jake somewhere into the story plotline because they aren't at the moment... make the tale longer.... maybe? =)

Edward will be coming in sometime soon. Either the next chapter or the chapter after that. Bella needs to wallow a little bit more. Next chapter will be her first day of school!

Again, I will be begging for reviews. ;) Maybe even bribing with cookies? More reviews will give me more motivation to post more! =D -bribebribe-

**Please read and review, Luvvies!**


	3. Chapter 2: The Outcast

**A/N: **Here's chapter two, guys. =)

**Again, please Read and Review! It will make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. =)**

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Chapter Two: The Outcast

School was hell. I used to have every class with my best friend, but now there was an emptiness that could never be filled. The teachers were all overly sympathetic, even annoyingly so. They tried not to make a big deal out of my return, but it was definitely noticed. How could anyone miss the deformed monster limping down the hallways? My so-called friends' reactions were worse.

"Bella!" they called out cheerfully as soon as I limped through the doors of my first period classroom. But as soon as I turned my head towards them, they automatically flinched away from the scarred and distorted face and the drooping eyelid. Their surprise and horror was apparent on their faces, all of their expressions identical. I wouldn't be able to be around people who looked at me like that. Feeling a pang of loneliness, I turned my back on them and headed to the back corner to seclude myself. Throughout the hour, I ignored the many head-turns and stares my classmates gave me; I truly felt like a monster.

After first hour, as I was gathering my books, one of my basketball friends, Angela, came up to me.

"Hey, Bella," she greeted cautiously, trying not to stare at my left eyelid and failing miserably. "Are you trying out for basketball this year? Tryouts are after school today. We definitely need you since Alice isn't…" she trailed off, looking horrorstruck at her words. To think she was usually so perceptive and empathetic.

I glared at her through my one good eye and felt triumphant at the way she shrunk back. "Does it _look_ like I can still fucking play basketball?" I shot back brusquely. I knew I was being rude, but I was so sick of everything already. She flinched at my use of the expletive, as I was not one to curse out loud, if at all. I don't even know if she ever heard me cuss. But I wanted her to leave me alone, and that seemed to work well enough. I expected her to scurry off with the rest of my non-friends, but she persisted like the little good samaritan she was raised to be.

"Well, um, then I just want to let you know that we have a Student Council meeting after school Wednesday—"

"Can't," I cut her off. I watched her bright face fall with satisfaction.

"But, you're our V.P. and since Alice is—"

I cringed instantly and closed my eyes — well, the one eye that I had control over. "I'm quitting. Is that fucking enough for you? Tell Jessica that she's the new goddamn Prez since she's next in line." I waited a moment until I heard her footsteps fade before reopening my eyes. Even though I was trying to get rid of her, I couldn't help but feel even more depraved than before as I watched her leave me, utterly alone. Truthfully -- though I wouldn't admit it -- , I had half hoped that maybe she would stick by me, foolishly thinking that having a friend couldn't be _that_ bad. That maybe someone wouldn't be shallow and judgmental enough to avoid being around me now. Idiot. You couldn't trust any of them.

_And you don't deserve them anyways_, a little voice in my head whispered maliciously. _**They** didn't kill their best friend, after all_.

"Shut up," I growled out loud, startling a small freshman girl who was passing me at that moment, sending her scurrying away with a frightened expression on her face. I had to restrain a cold bark of laughter. Great. Now word would spread that I was crazy.

The minute bell chimed and the soft music that played during the minute before the tardy bell began; nonetheless, I took my time shuffling to my locker as the late bell rang then hobbled to my second period class. All eyes were instantly drawn to me as I walked in, bringing to me even more attention than the usual tardy student would bring; I soon promised myself that I wouldn't be late anymore as I self-consciously shambled to one of the two remaining seats, both at the front of the room. I could feel the eyes burning into my back as I kept my head straight at the board, not seeing the words the teacher scrawled on it as low whispers broke out behind me.

When the hour ended, I remained in my seat, slouching awkwardly in the desk and staring coldly at the white board as everyone else hurriedly packed up their belongings to exit the classroom. People seemed to give me a wider berth than usual, avoiding the aisles that were adjacent to my desk. As the flurry of movement began to subside, I finally shifted from my position, forcing myself onto my feet. But I twisted my body strangely as I pulled myself to my feet, and a bolt of pain sheared across my side. Damn my ribs. I sat back down for a moment, trying to will the pain away and ignoring the sympathetic eyes of the teacher.

I carefully lifted myself out of the chair again and felt a helping hand pull me completely to my feet. As soon as I was steady, I wrenched my arm from the grasp and whirled around as fast as I could with my gimpy leg to confront the unwanted assister. And flinched away.

Jasper Hale-Whitlock towered over me at his six foot two height, those blue eyes sad and melancholy. A bit gangly, that sinewy muscle could be seen in his bared forearms that were feathered with his light arm hair. His dirty blonde hair stuck out at the sides and at the back, giving him that handsome, tousled look. If I didn't know who he was, I would have immediately thought that he was extremely attractive, as any person with a vagina would think.

But I didn't see the attractive male standing before me, grief painted across his features. No; instead, I saw the three of us -- Jasper, Alice, and I -- laughing and making faces at each other while we fooled around at the local grocery store. I saw us at the mall, me emerging out of one of the changing rooms to catch Jasper and Alice kissing softly in the corner with her back pressed up against the wall and his hands on either side of her face, bracing himself. I saw Jasper with his arm wrapped protectively around her shoulders as they strolled down the hallways, both with that lovestruck look on their faces, her hand tucked possessively in his back pocket. I saw Alice.

The assault of memories was too painful. Everything about him reminded me of _her_. I closed my eyes, turning my face away and hoping he would leave. Before I had to make him. I didn't want to associate myself with him anymore, always having to remember her and all the fun things we would do together. _He's her boyfriend_. I clenched my teeth at the use of the present tense before correcting myself. _**Was** her boyfriend._

"Bella," he said softly, the pain all too apparent in his voice. I caused that. It was my fault that Alice was killed, and it was my fault that everyone else who was associated with her was hurting, too. Especially gentle, kind, gentlemanly Jasper. He didn't deserve me as a friend.

I opened my eyes, sliding a cold mask onto my face. I briefly calculated how his twin sister, Rosalie Hale-Whitlock, was waiting in the doorway for him, leaning against the frame of the door in all of her glory. I felt that familiar twinge of jealousy whenever I saw Rosalie, for her beauty greatly surpassed my own. She was the closest a person could be to being perfect in looks, though that was all based on judgement. That thick blonde hair, tumbling down her back; those symmetrical facial features with the small nose, pouty lips, and bright blue eyes; her curvy figure with long legs. I wasn't sure if she liked me very much, to tell the truth. But then again, she never talked to me very much. Was she here for his emotional support? Well, he would need it after this.

"Get the fuck away from me," I snarled, attempting to push my way past him. I was using my previously found defense mechanism of hiding behind a mask of violence and maliciousness to distance myself from people. And, hey, it worked.

I didn't consider the look of hurt and shock that crossed his features as I hobbled past him. I only briefly caught Rosalie's look of dislike and irritation that she shot my way as she strode forward to gather up her shell-shocked brother. Well, she certainly hated me now.

I didn't know what Jasper wanted. All I knew was that I didn't want anything to do with him again. Funny how that worked because it really should be the other way around.

I skipped lunch after third hour, heading outside to sit at the bench by the front doors alone, a light breeze ruffling my matted hazel hair. As people passed to get to their cars, they ignored me, and I returned the favor. Of course, I could still hear their whispered words.

"Is that Bella?"

"What happened to _her_?"

"She's the one that was in the accident with Alice."

Fifth hour was by far the worst as, eleven minutes into the hour, I slumped in my seat, fists clenched and teeth gritted as the hoard of memories attacked me. _1:11 P.M_. The screech of tires on pavement, the smell of burning rubber and metal, the taste of metallic blood in my mouth, and by far the worst: the screaming, shrill and desperate and frightened.

"Bella? _Bella_!" the teacher cried out as she darted to my side. I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing that she would just leave me alone. "Bella, are you okay?"

"That's a stupid question," I muttered lowly through my teeth. The pain subsided and I sat up to stare at the pitying look in her eyes. Anger flared in me. "Do I _look_ like I'm fucking alright to you?" I spat and watched as her concern crumpled with a hard look in her eyes. I expected her to give me a detention for my rudeness, almost welcoming the normalcy it would bring, but she just turned around and continued her lecture.

I sunk down in my seat, defeated. Would I always be different from everyone else now? I supposed I partly brought it on myself with my peers, but this special treatment by the teachers as if I was a delicate flower was overbearing. I darted a look to the one empty seat in the class with a heart full of grief. Jasper, who sat in the seat next to it, caught my gaze worriedly, and I narrowed my eyes at him before hurriedly looking away. I didn't want him to try and help me again. The only way he would do that was to leave me alone.

He seemed to finally get the message and avoided me in turn. It was probably confusing to him, the way I was distancing myself from everyone. After all, his way to cope would be to lean on people for support, like he obviously was doing with his sister. But I didn't work that way anymore. I didn't want anything to do with people or anything that used to make me and Alice happy.

Sixth hour band was horrible as well; as soon as I walked in through the double doors, everyone fell silent, watching me as I slowly made my way to my seat in the back of the room with my trumpet case. I sat down in the respective Principle's chair and began to take out my instrument when someone cleared his throat above me. I wearily glanced up to see the second chair, Tyler, looking at me uncomfortably.

"What?" I asked harshly.

"You're, um, in my seat," Tyler muttered, eyes glued to the ground. "We have a concert coming up and since we didn't know when you would be back, Mr. Schneider had everyone move up a chair." I just stared at him for a moment as he squirmed under my lopsided gaze before I gathered my things and moved to the last chair in the section. What fun. Why doesn't the world just rip out my heart and lungs while they're at it? I could've challenged back up to first chair again, but I felt no more passion towards my instrument. Why even try? The world already fucked me over.

After school, I biked to Sabino Canyon and sat in my secret cove alone, closing my eyes and trying to even out my gasps of breath. _Kill me now,_ I moaned to the sky, the guilt and loneliness too much to handle. _I don't want to live like this._ I didn't even know what I wanted -- companionship and to act normal or solitude and for people to see the blaring difference in their lives now. Did I even want to move on? Because that would mean acceptance of what happened. And I would never accept that.

I stayed there in my fetal position until I had to leave to get home before Renee did; after all, if I didn't keep up my facade, she would send me back to the psychiatrist. We had a quiet dinner of frozen pizza, and then I went upstairs in my room; not to do homework, but to stare lifelessly at the ceiling from my bed. Thankfully, Renee didn't come up to bother me.

That night, I was plagued by that familiar nightmare, replaying that scene over and over again. But it was a little different this time. Instead of being completely alone with a screaming Alice when the impact hit, there was a line of people watching from the side of the road, their expressions unforgiving and cold. My peers. Judging. Always judging.

The rest of the week passed like the first day, though it seemed like someone stretched out that week into a month. I was now the official outcast as everyone would avoid me as much as they could. If someone tried to talk to me, I snapped at them, knowing that they were only talking to me because of pity. I didn't want their sympathetic looks. Jasper no longer tried to talk to me, dealing with his own grief his own way. Rosalie only acknowledged me enough to glare at me nowadays, something that was almost relieving after all the unwanted pitiful looks I received.

A few days after I started going back to school, when I passed Jasper in the hallway, I caught him smiling and laughing at something Rosalie said. I had the urge to pummel him for seeming so normal when his girlfriend was dead. But I was also slightly jealous. When was the last time I laughed? Smiled? Was he stronger than I was for being able to move on, or was he weaker for giving up? Then I was angry again. He shouldn't be able to move on that fast. Not if he really loved her. Was I really her only true friend? I never saw anyone else mourning her death except for me.

After school, I would always go to my hiding spot for hours to contemplate life or my lack of it. I ignored my piles of homework, and my grades steadily began to drop. After all, why should I care?

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**A/N:** So. Another depressing chapter. You meet Jasper and Rosalie, though they won't play that big of a role in this story.

Just to explain a little bit, when Jasper is seen laughing at the end, he hasn't moved on. Not fully anyways. He's still hurting, but his way of coping is to try to move on. He also has Rosalie, so that helps a little since she helps him forget about things. And stuff. xD Haha.

So I don't like depressed Bella very much. Angst, angst, depressed, depressed. Hopefully Edward will come soon to snap her out of it. =)

**Reviews, please, my lovelies!**


	4. Chapter 3: The New Kid

**A/N: **Seriously, guys. No reviews? ='( Thanks to those who left a kind message; you guys made my day. =) Come on, just press that little green button at the bottom there and type in a few words. Anything. It'll take less than a minute. Unless you want to write a long review, which would be awesome as well. ;D

So enough of my nagging for reviews. For now. =)

The moment all of you were waiting for! (I think.)

Introducing... Edward! Though he's not received very warmly by Bella... but hey. Read along to find out what happens. =)

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Chapter Three: The New Kid

I went back to school Monday morning, expecting everything to be the same as usual. Sure, the weekend had been nice to get away from everyone and their judgmental stares. But I could never escape the torment and guilt and pain that followed me everywhere. I was hoping that maybe some of the shock of seeing me around would have worn off throughout the week and over the weekend. Maybe I wouldn't draw as much attention to me.

I put on my usual over-large sweatshirt, making sure the sleeves were rolled down all the way to cover as much marred skin as possible. I didn't even bother with my hair, letting it fall stringy and limp over my features in an attempt to hide my bad eye and scarred face. Ah, the wonders that not taking care of yourself will do to you.

Skipping breakfast again -- Renee didn't notice much since she was already out the door for work --, I hauled my bike out of the garage, moving carefully so that I don't twist my body into that position that would shoot bolts of pain into my side. I rode my bike at my usual leisurely pace, occasionally pushing my gimpy leg harder than I should or exerting myself too much so that my wheezing was too much for my body to handle. I hated being restricted like that, not even being able to ride a fucking bike!

School was about the same as before. I supposed that I should have expected them to need more time to get used to my monster face, if they'd ever even get used to it. I passed Jasper without Rosalie in the hallways before class and had to stare straight ahead as he kept trying to catch my eye. Did he think the weekend would change things? But I guess that was no different to me hoping that the weekend would magically bring about changes as well. Naive thoughts.

I hated hurting him like that. But I couldn't help it. Everything about him was marked by her. Every memory I had of him involved her. It would hurt too much for me. Selfish, right? Even when I glanced back at him after we passed in the hall, I had to whip my head back forward, heart pounding. It was like she was taunting me by seeming to be right there next to him, walking side by side. Maybe it was just a trick of the light or just from being used to seeing them _always_ together. But it was only there for not even a split second, like a residue of the image I would _love_ to see instead of the one that would be there in reality.

The beginning of first hour was fairly uneventful, considering everything. But halfway through the hour, I was called down to the front office, the authoritative voice booming over the P.A. system.

"Isabella Swan, please report to the front office." _Click_.

Feeling the ever insistent eyes on me, I limped out the door while suppressing the urge to turn around and snap at them. Don't they have anything better to do than torment me? I wondered why I was being called down. Because of my lack of grades? Were they going to tell me that I was going to fail my senior year? _Wouldn't that be a blast,_ I sneered cynically. _What a way to end my year with a bang._

I hobbled into the front office and went up to the secretary who sat at the desk. There was another figure slumped in one of the chairs in the corner, but I didn't even glance at him or her, only catching the form out of my peripheral vision.

"You called for me?" I said in a sickly-sweet, fake-happy voice, daring her to look straight into my eyes as I knew so little could do nowadays.

The secretary seemed momentarily distracted by my deformed face before she gave her head a little shake and smiled at me benignly though I noticed that she never looked directly at me. What a fraud. "Oh, yes, Isabella. We have a little favor to ask of you." I raised an eyebrow at her; it didn't sound like they were telling me I failed. "You see, we just had a transfer student from Chicago and it seems like his schedule matches up exactly with yours. We know what a good student you are—" I looked at her incredulously; where was she the past two months? "—so we wanted to ask if you would be willing to help him out for a few weeks."

"Are you sure about that?" I asked doubtfully to give her another chance to save this poor kid's life.

"Of course!" she exclaimed certainly. "Why don't you meet him and then you can bring him over to your first hour class?"

I shrugged. Poor guy would be in for an interesting couple of weeks. Maybe I can ditch him earlier by handing him off to some other person. "Fine. Where is the guy?"

"Right here," a deep, masculine voice rumbled from behind me. I turned to look directly at the other person who was in the office with me for the first time. My throat tightened and my eyes widened as I took his appearance in.

He didn't look like _her_. Not really. But then how come when I first stared into his eyes, a ghost of Alice flashed where he stood before I blinked and she disappeared once more? I suppose he had eyes of the same shape and shade of green, even holding the same intensity hers did. They both had intricately wild, copper hair. But other than that, they looked nothing alike. His facial structure was completely different with more angles with a more defined chin. He had a stronger hint of masculinity within his gaze and the way he held himself. He was taller, and his muscles were toned more with a bit more meat on his bones than Jasper. Dark stubble feathered his strong chin. His nose was slightly larger and his lips fuller. Still, a ghost of Alice could be seen in his eyes. I can't deal with him. No way. I would refuse.

I opened my mouth to do so, but the secretary cut across me. "Isabella, this is Edward Masen. He's a senior as well. Edward, this is Isabella Swan, your new guide." She smiled widely at us as we both stared at each other. He got up to shake my hand, and I noticed the roughness of his palm.

"Edward. My friends call me Eddie," he said in his deep voice, smiling at me softly. He didn't even flinch or look horrified. He must have been warned already of my condition. Or composed himself while I was talking to the secretary. But he was even gazing directly into my eyes, something that was beginning to make _me _feel uncomfortable from the recent lack of people being able to look directly at me.

"Bella. Nice to meet you, Edward," I choked out, bluntly refusing to be under the title of his 'friend' by ignoring his second sentence. How will I be able to lead this guy around when he reminds me of Alice? But I couldn't refuse now. It wouldn't fix anything. He would still be in all of my classes. Sighing, I beckoned for him to follow. "Come on. Let's get to class."

As we walked through the hallway, I noticed that he slowed down his pace to keep stride with my limping. He also didn't stare at me like everyone else in the world. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, contemplating how long it would take before the girls would flock over him. They would easily take him out of my hands. I had to admit he was quite handsome, especially when standing beside my ugliness. That would just make it easier for me to ditch him.

I couldn't help but admire his panty-dropping good looks. I _was_ a female, after all, even under my haggard appearance. He walked with such confidence that I could almost call it _strutting_, but in a more casual way. His hair was in such careful disarray, sticking out in all directions as if he constantly pulled at the ends. It looked thick and soft and completely natural. I always thought that guys shouldn't use very many hair products, if at all, to style their hair. His sharp, dark eyebrows framed over his clear green eyes. I shifted my gaze furitively from them, still too much in shock at how close they were to _hers,_ taking in instead the outline of his nose and the curves of his slightly parted lips. _Mmm...._

He stood quite a bit taller than my 5 foot 4 inches height, almost as tall as Jasper. The muscles in his forearm rippled as he mindlessly tapped his fingers on the side of his jean-covered thigh. Semi-broad shoulders tapered down to a narrow waist, a hint of his muscles visible through his forest green button down shirt as he moved. I briefly wondered how he would look shirtless....

When Edward caught my eye, I looked away, glad my scars hid the blush that formed from being caught staring. Okay, no more wandering thoughts. Not only would he never consider me in that way, he was probably some pompous airhead, just waiting to be rid of the freak he had to be stuck with. He tried to initiate conversation along the way, but I just snapped harsh, one-worded answers until we finally reached the classroom.

"In you go," I offered, motioning for him to go in first. Maybe he would take some of the eyes off of me.

He strode in confidently and the room inside fell silent. Hooray. I limped in after him and took my seat quickly, a small malicious grin on my face. Everyone was so preoccupied with the appearance of a new student, particularly an attractive one, that they completely ignored me. Maybe he would be of use for me.

The teacher had him introduce himself. _Edward Masen, from Chicago, Illinois_. He did some weird thing where he ruffled his hair a little bit to make his hair look messier -- _ah, so I was right_ --, almost looking nervous. But that easy smile crooked up the corner of his mouth as he looped his thumbs in his pockets. It was amusing to see all the girls drooling at him. Ha! He would be _extremely_ easy to get rid of.

There was only one seat open — Alice's — and it was right next to my seat. Joy. And sure enough, as soon as the bell rang, one of my ex-friends went up to him, smiling a huge fake smile. She asked if he wanted to sit with her during lunch, completely ignoring me as she flipped her long bleached-blonde hair over her shoulder. _Success!_ I thought to myself.

"Thanks for the offer," he replied and I grinned victoriously, holding back a laugh at the way the poor girl melted at the sound of his voice, "but I'll be sitting with my guide, Bella." My grin slid off my face in shock. _New boy say WHAT?!_

The girl shot me a jealous glare — while I glared at the back of Edward — before stalking off. As he followed me to our second hour, I hissed under my breath, "Why did you turn down Lauren?" _I wanted to get rid of you_, I added in my head.

He shrugged noncommittally. "Because I'd rather turn her down than turn her on," he answered seriously and a smothered snort escaped me, thinking how that was too late. I almost thought that she would come in her pants without him even touching her.

Okay, so he was funny, I had to admit. Maybe having him around wouldn't be _that_ bad. But then he turned to face me, and instead of Edward, I saw Alice standing there. I closed my eyes painfully and wrenched my head away from him, pushing back the sharp prickles in the corner of my eyes and the knife slashing at the gap in my heart.

Throughout second and third hour, hoards of girls lined up to ask him if they could walk him to his next class or if he wanted to sit with them during lunch. Every time, my hope would rise in my throat only to be pounded back at his repeated response: "Thanks for the offer, but I'll be with Bella. Sorry." After the sixth person, I lost all hope. For some strange reason, he wanted to be stuck with the crazy, snappy, deformed girl who has lost her way in life.

During lunch, I tried to lose him by leaving him in the lunch line and escaping back to my designated bench, but Edward followed me. Wasn't he _hungry_? True enough, I could hear his stomach grumbling as he sat down next to me, but he ignored it. _Oh my fucking God. Would he ever leave me in peace?_

I closed my eyes, leaning back and let out a soft sigh. "Why do you insist on following me?" I asked, almost not expecting an answer.

"Because that's what that lady in the office told me to do," he replied with full solemnity. "'Follow Isabella,' she said."

I snorted again. "She didn't mean that literally," I muttered.

I cracked open my good eye to see him shrug carelessly. "I've been known to take things seriously and literally," he said flippantly.

There was a brief moment in which Edward's stomach let out a protesting gurgle. "Why don't you go inside and sit with one of your fan girls? You sound hungry," I mentioned, giving him the bait with the hope that he would take it and listen for once.

"No thanks," Edward replied simply. I slumped back in my seat.

"Why not?" I grumbled peevishly, eying him out of the corner of my eye. "You're attractive, they're attractive. You'll fit in well with them."

Edward grinned, turning towards me, and my breath caught briefly before I wrenched my gaze away from him. "You think I'm attractive?" he prodded. _Yesyesyes._ But I didn't answer him. That didn't deter him as he continued, looking straight at me though I slid my eyes closed in an attempt to escape his gaze. "But I find you attractive as well, so maybe I fit out here, too."

I snorted, snapping my eyes open all the way incredulously. Is he blind? I'm deformed, scarred, and I have a limp. I don't take care of myself anymore, so my hair is always matted, my skin is unhealthy looking, and my face plain from makeup of any sort. My clothes consist of old, ratty sweats. Me? Attractive? I scoffed at him. "You must be blind."

"I didn't mean just physically, though I did see your yearbook picture from last year. You're just going through a hard time right now," he reasoned and I glared at him. I am so tired of gossip. He must have heard from around town about the scarred girl who survived a car accident while her friend died.

"Don't pretend that you know me," I snapped. "You don't. Nobody does. Nobody knows how I feel. Why can't you just leave me alone? In case you didn't notice, I don't like you much," I stated bluntly, hoping that my words might drive him off. He just smiled wider. Ugh, he is so infuriating.

"I never said that I know you, though I wish that I do," Edward said nonchalantly. "I'm just taking a guess, considering how you look and act this year compared to pictures and what I heard about you from the secretary. You're going through a hard time. Am I wrong? Tell me if I am."

I crossed my arms stubbornly, jutting out my jaw. "Just leave me alone, Edward."

The bell rang and the little twit stood up, offering me a hand. "Can't. I don't know where I'm going. Come on, let's go to fourth hour." I ignored his outstretched hand and got up on my own with a little stumbling before stalking off towards our next classroom with my head held high.

I realized that as we made our way through the hallways, we attracted more attention than I usually did. I put this to blame on Edward; he was just so damn attractive that eyes were drawn to him. And the fact that he was new didn't help. Put that plus my unwanted fame and we have head-turning, rudely-staring, nosy students. Another reason for my dislike of Edward.

Fourth hour passed uneventfully, spare for the fact that Edward was assigned as my new lab partner considering I worked for the past week by myself. I discovered that he was quite intelligent as well. Damn popular, smart, nosy, cheeky, charming, good-looking little brat. Isn't there any part of his personality that was completely horrible? It'd sure make it a lot easier to ignore him and hate him.

Eleven minutes into fifth hour, my daily panic attack hit and I crumpled in my seat. Everyone ignored me now when this happened, though I would occasionally get a worried or contemptuous glance. Like I could control this. Of course Edward was sitting next to me when it happened today, and he completely freaked out. It would've almost been funny had I not been reliving my worst nightmare at the very moment.

"Bella? Bella!" he called out anxiously, rushing to my side and smoothing back my hair from my trembling face. "What's wrong?" _Just stop being a good Samaritan, Edward,_ I thought as I clenched my eyes shut. _You're attracting unwanted attention to me_.

"Just leave her alone," an envy-filled voice hissed, and I almost felt gladness at Lauren before she went on. "She's just weird and spazzes out at 1:11 on the dot. There's nothing you can do." The panic attack subsided, but I continued to shake from anger at her hateful words. Is that what everyone thought? That I was a weirdo?

Edward ignored her words, rubbing my back soothingly and whispering reassuring words. He reached up to brush back a damp strand of hazel-brown hair from my face when I lifted a hand and grabbed his hand before he could. "Leave me alone," I whispered as I sat up straight from my previously slumped pose. I let his wrist go and drew patterns into my desk with my eyes until all the staring subsided for the most part. Edward still shot me looks of worry.

We walked silently to band after fifth hour. He seemed deep in thought as he strode up to the band director, Mr. Schneider, and exchanged a few words. A minute later, he was sitting in Alice's old seat, pulling out a sleek, silver trombone from its plastic case. Great. Another thing linking him to her. An awesome trombonist. Why does the world hate me so much?

Finally, the bell rang, ending the longest school day ever. Mr. Schneider had asked Edward to play a little in front of the band; there was no more doubt about why he was chosen as principle chair afterwards. Damn popular, smart, nosy, cheeky, charming, good-looking, skilled-at-the-trombone little brat.

He caught up with me quickly at my locker, his backpack already in hand. "What do you do after school?"

I slammed my locker door shut and stalked towards the front doors as quickly as I could. "Nothing. I go home."

He didn't have to try very hard to catch up to my limping pace. "Really? Don't you play any sports or do any clubs?" God, this guy was so annoying.

"Not anymore. I quit," I stated bluntly, pushing open the double doors to freedom.

"Oh, I see," he merely said and another twinge of annoyance hit me. Is there anything he didn't _see_? "Well, do you want a ride home then?"

"In a _car_?"

"Um, yeah, what else—?"

"No thanks," I interrupted. "I'll bike." I grabbed my bike, unlocked it, and jumped on, hoping that he would finally give up. When I did not hear him after me, I believed he actually did. So why did I feel disappointment?

I was pedaling down Sunrise Drive when I heard a soft honk that nearly had me jumping out of my skin as I remembered that afternoon of October 4. But when I turned my head to glare at the incriminating glossy-silver Volvo, the passenger window slid down to reveal Edward grinning at me from the driver's seat. Rich too, huh?

"Hop in. You can stash your bike in the back," Edward called out, slowing the car down to match my pace. I freaked out immediately.

"You idiot! What are you doing? Do you want to start an accident? Get your eyes back on the road and go the normal speed limit before someone rear-ends you!" I nearly shrieked.

Cocking an eyebrow at my behavior, he did as I said, accelerating. As he whipped past, he shouted, "I'll see you tomorrow, Bella!" Cheeky little smart-aleck.

As I went through my normal motions that night, a face kept floating up underneath my eyelids. Even as I lay in bed, pretending to be asleep, his face would pop up in the darkness. Dark hair that fell charmingly into his bright green eyes, sculpted cheeks, firm jaw, dark stubble dotting his chin… but then that face would morph. The hair would extend out slightly, the facial features would melt away and become more feminine, the manly stubble would vanish, the nose would shrink minutely. And Mary Alice Brandon would be staring back at me, her gaze hard and blaming.

I snapped open my eyes, muffling a scream. Why did she come back to haunt me like this? I had to get rid of Edward.

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**A/N:** So you meet Edward now. What do you think of him so far? Will Bella let him help her? What do you think she'll do to "get rid of Edward"?

(P.S. His name used to be Ryder before the change. I love that name. What are your favorite boy and girl names?)

(P.P.S. Press the little green button! You know you want to! ;D )

**EDIT:** And also a little thanks to all of those who subscribed to this fanfic! =D


	5. Chapter 4: The Confrontation

**A/N: **Hey guys! Thanks to all those who left a review, subscribed to, and read my story!

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**Chapter Four: The Confrontation**

The next day I ducked around corners, trying to avoid that inevitable figure. But sure enough, just as I thought I reached my locker without incident, I felt a hand touch my shoulder. _Damn it._

_Please be someone else. Not Edward. Please_, I thought to myself as I turned around.

Alice was standing in front of me with blood slowly dripping from the numerous gashes on her body. She had a hand outstretched, wrist and fingers limply hanging from the limb, the fingers brushing against me. Here eyes were dull as they stared up at me, an eerie pale-green, cold and accusing. Her short, dark hair was matted with blood and dirt. _OhmyfuckingGod!_

I jumped back in a panic, blinking wildly, effectively slamming my back into the cold metal of my locker. At the first blink, Alice instantly vanished and was replaced with a bewildered Edward. _Oh, dear God,_ I prayed in shock as I rested my head against my locker with relief, closing my eyes. _It's okay. It's not her. _My chest heaved as if I had run a marathon, my ribs throbbing slightly from the exertion and shock.

A warm hand cupped my left cheek and I automatically jerked away, opening my eyes and startled by the closeness of the figure in front of me. Edward was standing so close that I could feel his body heat through the thin layer of our clothes. I had to crane my neck upwards to see his face, my breath catching from his close vicinity to me. He almost had me trapped between his body and the locker, one hand hovering over my left cheek and the other braced against the locker by my head. _OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGod, _I chanted in my head, though this time for a different reason.

But then I looked into his eyes and cringed, seeing that oh-so familiar and completely unwanted sympathetic look in his eyes. He must've found out the whole story. It wasn't that hard to do.

"Go away, Edward," I muttered as I maneuvered around him carefully to minimize the brushing of our bodies, my own body ultra aware of his presence. I tried to ignore him as I hunched over my locker combination, twisting the lock with more concentration than was absolutely necessary.

He placed a hand on my shoulder and swiveled me around so that our eyes locked. My breath hitched slightly, hating the effect he had on me. I subconsciously chewed on the inside of my mouth before halting the motion, trying to act nonchalant as I coolly cocked an eyebrow at him for his actions.

"What?" I gritted out, trying to inch my way out of his gaze.

"I did some research," Edward stated bluntly, that pitying look in his eyes again. Ugh. I turned my head so that I could avoid it. "I looked through newspapers and the internet. Oh, Bella, I'm so—"

"Don't say you're sorry," I snapped harshly, cutting him off. "You didn't do anything. You weren't even in the same state. Just leave me alone. I got to get to class." I half-expected him to flutter off like everyone else would whenever I used the rude tactic on them. But then again, he didn't seem to fit into my stereotypes.

So of course he remained unfazed by my rudeness, staring me down with his clear, green eyes. I groaned inwardly. Can't anything get rid of this bozo?

"Fine. We'll talk during lunch," he stated simply, taking a step back. It almost sounded like an ultimatum.

"What's there to talk about?" I muttered as I grabbed my books and slammed the door shut. Hoping futilely that he wouldn't follow, I stalked towards my first hour, huffing angrily as I heard the footsteps following. I tried to ignore the consistent shadow tagging along behind me as the minute bell rang and the music that played before the late bell started up.

_How many times can I break till I shatter?..._

Letting out a strangled yell, my legs gave out underneath me as I clapped my hands to my ears, my books scattering everywhere like the shattered pieces of a dropped glass plate. Through the familiar jello in my ears, I dimly heard Edward's voice call out my name as he caught me. The memories assaulted me — the pain, the horror, the fear, the petrified screaming, the vain squealing of tires, the crunch of bones and metal — as my body shuddered limply. The music pounded through my skull like small daggers until it was cut off by the sharp tone of the tardy bell.

I lay there, awkwardly, shivering slightly though I was not cold. As my breathing began to even out, I heard the light murmur of voices and the slight brush of fingers on my face.

Opening my eyes weakly and fearing the speculative eyes I would see, I peaked under my lids to see Edward's anxious face hovering over mine. A crowd of gossiping students merged behind him, along with some teachers trying to shoo them to class. I closed my eyes again, slumping against whoever was next to me. Hm, he smelled like some sweet cologne. I inhaled the scent as a soft smile curved the corners of my lips.

A vaguely familiar hand brushed at my sweat-speckled face, and I jerked away. It was Edward. I snapped open my eyes as I remembered where exactly I was and wobbly got onto my feet. The hallway was mostly empty now, spare for Edward and a few concerned teachers. They rushed forward with outstretched arms and anxious faces to help me, but I shook them off, brushing them away. I didn't need their help.

"I'm fine," I muttered before they could shower me with pity and grabbed my books, shuffling off to the classroom.

Ignoring the doubled amount of stares my entrance brought, I made my way to my secluded seat in time to watch Edward stride in and whisper something to the teacher. The teacher listened curiously, raising his eyebrows at him, before nodding and continuing on with his lecture. Edward glanced towards me as he strode towards his seat, but I quickly averted my eyes before he could catch them, staring holes into the smooth surface of my desk.

Throughout the hour, I pointedly kept my gaze away from Edward, but ten minutes before the bell rang, a folded note slid onto my desk. I didn't even glance up towards the tentative face of the girl sitting across from me, knowing that it couldn't be from her and knowing exactly who it was from. I briefly debated what he would do if I just tossed it into the trashcan or crumpled it up in my fist. But as much pleasure that would bring me, it wouldn't stop him. He was relentless. So, reluctantly, I opened it, handling it like it would explode any second.

My eyes darted across the page quickly, reading the five words and the scrawled "E" underneath it.

_**We need to talk. Lunch.**_

**—**_** E**_

Crumpling the paper in my fist, I sighed, resting my head in my arms. He wasn't making this easy for himself, was he?

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Lunch hour came by all too quickly and as I got up with a half-hope to escape, a warm hand grasped my own. I slumped back dejectedly, knowing I had no way in hell of wrenching my hand out of his grip. Edward quickly gathered my books for me and, keeping my hand in his, towed me first to my locker than to his. I futilely tugged on my hand a few times, not being able to help it. Now heading towards the cafeteria — how could he remember exactly where everything was when this was only his second day here? — I glanced around me and immediately regretted it.

I tried tugging my hand away again, fully aware of the people staring in shock at us and of the girls with their mouths open, envy painting their faces green. They were whispering in ears and pointing 'surreptitiously' — though completely obviously to me — at our entwined hands. Didn't they have lives of their own to ruin? But he kept his grip firm yet gentle, shifting instead to twine our fingers together. I finally gave up and let myself be led to the lunch line, trying not to think about how heavenly his hand felt against mine and stifling the urge to run my thumb on the back of his hand to feel their softness.

As soon as we stopped in line, I began my complaining again.

"I don't have any money with me," I protested, giving my hand a useless tug.

"I do," Edward replied simply, not even bothering to look at me now.

"I'm not hungry," I attempted again, trying to make my voice sound authoritative and failing miserably.

"Mm-hmm," he said, ignoring me. I stuck my bottom lip out childishly, furrowing my eyebrows at him. He finally glanced at me, his lips pressed together from what looked like repressed laughter. Oh, so now he was _laughing_ at me?

"People are staring," I hissed, trying a different tactic and tugging at my hand again.

"Is that any different than normal?" he stated frankly, and, feeling the harshness of truth, I fell silent.

A few minutes later, we emerged, my hand still held in Edward's while his free hand held a tray full of food.

"I'm not hungry," I objected again, but it was weaker this time, and he just disregarded me once more as he led me outside to my bench. Sighing, I sat down and watched as he mimicked me, setting the tray on his lap. Giving me a pointed look, he carefully released my hand. I rolled my eyes at the meaning behind his look, sighing exasperatedly, "I won't effing run away. Jesus."

He seemed content with my answer and handed me a slice of pepperoni pizza in response. I wrinkled my nose at it, pursing my lips for show. I briefly wondered what he would do if I 'accidentally' dropped it but decided against it. He paid for it, after all. I wouldn't throw away money like that.

"What if I'm a vegetarian?" I shot out, trying a different tactic.

I watched as he just silently took the slice from me and carefully peeled off the greasy pepperonis before setting it back in my hand. God, did he always have to find a way around everything?

"This is so fattening," I complained as I eyed him out of the corner of my eyes, hoping he would let me off the hook this time. I tried not to appreciate the view before me too much.

"I'm sure the only meal you eat is dinner, if even that, and considering you bike to school and back home, you'll burn off the calories easily. Eat," he instructed, not meeting my eyes as he popped each pepperoni into his mouth.

Giving in with a sigh, I took a bite of the steaming pizza, almost sighing again as the food hit my empty stomach. Deciding to give it all up, I snatched one of the pepperonis from his hand and tossed it into my mouth. "I'm not a vegetarian," I declared, darting a glance at him to see his reaction.

"I know," he said simply. I scoffed. Of course. There was nothing he didn't know.

"So what did you want to talk about, Edward?" I prodded as I took another bite. I forgot how much I loved food.

"First, getting you to call me _Eddie_," he stared off nonchalantly.

"I'm not calling you something more fit for a two year old," I snorted. He ignored my outburst as if I didn't say anything, to my annoyance. Nothing ever seemed to faze him.

"Second, to talk to you about your strange phobias and about the crash." I flinched at the last word, setting down the half-eaten pizza. Way to be blunt. I thought he would skirt around the topic like most people to indirectly talk about it, but for him to just spit it out like that was... I don't know what it was. A mixture of surprise, pain, and guilt, but yet it was also a breath of relief to see something different for once.

"I'd rather not talk about that," I said softly, avoiding his searching eyes. My heart twisted with pain as I stared at my toes.

There was a soft clank as he set down the plastic tray, and I felt him lift the pizza off of my frozen hands. Tucking a hand under my chin, he lifted my head up until I looked into his eyes. My breathing quickened slightly as I bit my tongue, my eyes darting between the two of his. "I know you'd rather not," Edward spoke gently, "but you need to face your demons or else they will always follow you. I know you never used to be like this, so afraid of the world. The papers said that you were in numerous after school activities, like vice president of Student Council, basketball, volleyball, and tennis. They called you a happy and energetic girl. Where is she now? You're afraid of cars, that one song breaks you apart, you have a panic attack every day at the exact same time. The time of the crash."

I closed my eyes to escape the force behind his burning gaze and the pain of the truth in his words. Truth hurts. "Why do you care? You just moved here, you don't even know me, and you must be having a hard time as it is. You have to adjust to a whole new life. Why do you care about some broken girl like me?" I whispered, tugging my chin from his grasp to bury my face in my hands. My heart pounded in my chest, and I didn't really know why. Was it just because of the topic? Or because of other reasons?

"I want to help," Edward just stated straightforwardly. But when I lifted my face from my hands to look up at him, his gaze darted away from mine as if he was hiding something further. My brow crinkled in confusion, but it smoothed out as I opened stared at his face since he wasn't looking at me, outlining the shape of his nose and lips and chin.

I almost fell into his grasp and agreed before I jerked myself out of this reverie. No, I didn't deserve help. And I didn't want it. "No," I said firmly. "I don't want your help. I don't need it. Just leave me the fuck alone," I spat. I got up and limped back into the school, trying to forget the look of hurt on his face as I left. He sat frozen there, to my surprise. I expected him to chase after me. And, though I hated to admit it, I felt my chest constrict slightly when I didn't hear those oh-so familiar footsteps behind me.

He seemed a little distant from me for the rest of the day; he barely even reacted when I collapsed again at 1:11. I should be happy; this was what I wanted, right? So why did I feel so disheartened?

This continued throughout the next day as well. Edward still followed me to our classes, but the only words we exchanged were "Hi" and "Bye." I wanted to get him to notice me again, but why? Was it because he was the only person who still treated me like a human being and not some demented freak? Maybe. But I was too much of a chicken to start a conversation with him, even though he still bought a huge lunch for us both and sat with me outside. Awkward silences dominated those thirty minutes.

I did catch myself watching him more often, my eyes tracing his silhouette when I thought he wasn't watching. I wasn't surprised that he attracted so many of the female population. Sure, he wasn't the most perfect guy in the world. But he was pretty damn close. He was wearing a snug grey sweater of some sort to pair up with his dark jeans. It suited him, though not as much as green does; that color just brings out his eyes. His hair was tousled so artistically yet without a care in the world. I don't know how he could pull off that bed-head look, but he could. And he had that sweet and masculine cologne that I would get a whiff of every now and then. It sent a shiver directly to my loins, a warm curling feeling in my stomach.

He did seem to be making other friends, or so I thought. During class when the teacher wasn't teaching, I watched him surrepticiously as he chatted with Jacob Black and Mike Newton. I crinkled my nose at his taste in friends. Okay, so Jake really wasn't that bad. We were actually pretty good buds before the accident. Though apparently not good enough friends for him to back me up. Mike, on the other hand, was kind of a jerk. He was going out with Jessica, a brunette who kept drooling over Edward. I was a little surprised that Mike kept letting it slide; then again, she filled out nicely her freshman year, so it made sense that he would latch on to her and not let go. Greedy bastard.

But I approved of the fact that he seemed to give other girls a wide berth, for the most part, even the absolutely gorgeous ones like Lauren, the blonde who practically threw herself at him that first day. Okay, so he wasn't really talking to me very much either. But he wasn't flirting openly with any of them so.... Not that I cared or anything. Nope. Not at all. Just looking out for him. Or something.

What intrigued me was that no matter who he was talking to during the class, he would always still walk with me to our next one. Maybe it was just for the companionship since we had _every single effing class together_, but then again, he still sat with me at lunch, so...? God, boys were confusing.

But maybe I was -- god forbid -- getting used to having him around. It was kind of nice to not look like a complete loser and walk through the hallways by myself, even if my companion wasn't talking to me. After each hour, he would stop by the teacher's desk to say something to them. I figured it just had to do with him just moving here and all the things he missed and stuff. The catch was that I found myself slowing my pace down more than usual so that he would be able to catch up. Maybe I would live for the awkwardness it would bring by putting us two together, both of us unwilling to back down on our childish "silent treatments" we were giving each other.

That night, I dreamed about him. We were both walking through a bleary trail in Sabino Canyon, completely alone. I wasn't sure what the mood or atmosphere was, or even if I was still not talking to him. But then he suddenly stopped and grabbed my hand, his hand familiarly soft and warm. The scene vanished, and we were in a speeding, sleek, silver car, racing through the empty yet unfamiliar roads. But I felt no panic. For some reason, Edward's presence gave me a feeling of security. I watched him as he drove, one hand on the wheel and the other around my seat's headrest, again not knowing what was going on. Then he abruptly turned to me with cold-green eyes before disappearing. Without a driver, the car swerved wildly into the opposite lane as I let out a petrified scream. A second before impact, I jerked myself out of the nightmare, freezing up with fear and my eyes darting around the ceiling of my bedroom nervously. Cold sweat trickled down my neck, and I tried to untangle my limbs from my blanket before sitting up. My dreams had a new star in them.

* * *

**A/N: **Just so you know, parts of her condition are possible. Like, there's this psychology thing in which you unconsciously associate certain stimuli with certain responses, even though they're not the direct cause of it.

For example, the car crash (unconditioned stimuli) caused her immense pain (unconditioned response). Her unconscious then connects the little things about the crash -- cars, the song, time, etc (conditioned stimuli) -- to the pain (conditioned response), which is why she forms this strange phobia to all of these things. She can't stop it because it's not something she can really control since her body just automatically reacts that way to it.

It's like someone who was dropped as a child and then formed a fear of heights. Whenever that person gets in a position that makes them elevated, his or her body would automatically make them feel nervous, anxious, etc. You know? Granted, I don't know for sure if this exact case with the song and time actually existed, but hey. It's a story. =) But just saying that it's a possibilty. Yay AP Psychology! Haha. =)

It's also like the Pavlov's Dogs thing, for those Psychology buffs. The meat powder (unconditioned stimuli) caused the dogs to salivate (unconditioned response) naturally. But then the dogs also associated the bell (conditioned stimuli) that they rang before giving the meat powder to the food, so they salivated (conditioned response) to the sound of the bell, even when no food was presented.

(We're currently in this unit in AP Psychology, which is why I felt the need to write this huge long Author's Note on it. ^.^; Completely unnecessary to read it all. Just for my amusement to try and sound smart. =D )

Back to the story, what do you think Edward is hiding, if he is hiding anything? =O What are you thoughts? Ideas?

Also, I am wondering if I should somehow incorporate Jake into this? Leave a message with your opinion!

**You know you want to press the green button! Do it! Peer pressure! ;D**


	6. Chapter 5: The Beginning

**A/N: **Thanks to all my readers, reviewers, and subscribers! Bella goes through a rainbow of moods in this chapter. ;D Have fun!

**Please read and review, loves! Thanks!**

* * *

**Chapter Five: The Beginning**

Today was Thursday. There were only two more days until the weekend and the freedom from all the stares of my peers it would bring. Or so I thought.

Edward was acting a little strangely around me today, which unnerved me. It was like he was attempting to ignore me, but I caught him shooting me guilty looks every now and then. Warily, I wondered what he could have done that made him act this way. Luckily — or unluckily, depending on your view of it — , I didn't have to wait long before I soon found out.

As the bell rang, releasing us from our first period, the teacher called me up. "Bella, could you wait a moment? I have a proposition for you." With a slight frown, I trudged up to the teacher's desk slowly, though I noticed that Edward seemed to disappear altogether somewhere in the process. I wondered where he went, feeling a little disheartened that he wasn't going to walk with me to our classes.

I was zoning out while the teacher spoke, not really listening while he rattled on some bullshit about my grades, or my lack thereof. Like I didn't notice. "So I have assigned you a tutor," he finished, and this effectively caught my attention. I opened my mouth furiously to argue that I didn't need one, but he cut me off by giving me my to-be tutor's name. "Edward Masen." My jaw dropped, all thoughts of my rebuke vanishing from shock. _What the hell_? Is this what he was doing all yesterday? That little fuck.

The teacher continued, not noticing my furious gaze. "I know he's a new student and all, but he's extremely talented and I think since you two seemed to have bonded already—" I snorted inwardly at his words, still fuming "—it'll be a good thing for the both of you." I eyed him, wondering how set he was on his decision. And judging by that determined look on his face, he wasn't going to back down anytime soon. If he thought he was _helping_ me by doing this, he was sorely mistaken.

Swearing under my breath and without another word to the teacher, I stalked out of the room. Still muttering furiously, I almost ran into a figure who was standing by the doorway, looking shamefaced. There was that goddamned culprit of all my problems. My hand clenched into a fist as I nearly growled at him. A small part of my brain still took note that he waited for me, even while fully knowing that I would be pissed off at him. _So that's why he disappeared so quickly after the bell rang_.

I glared at him, punching his shoulder in irritation. I was ready to pummel him though he barely even reacted when my fist made contact with his arm the first time. I snarled, baring my teeth, "You son of a bitch — "

"I take offense to that," Edward said quietly and coolly. "My mother is not a bitch of any sort. She's actually quite sweet."

I ignored him and his attempt to make me smile. I could almost imagine fumes coming out of my ears. "You bastard — "

He butt in again, the little smart aleck. "And I am no illegitimate child of any sort."

"Argh! Quit fucking cutting me off!" I spat out in annoyance, a mixture of him cutting me off, the smartass comments he was making, and his damned tutoring business. "Why the _hell_ did you —?"

He shrugged, cutting me off, adding to my fury. "I don't want you to fail your senior year," he answered truthfully, and I felt myself deflate slightly at his blatant honesty. "That would suck."

I sputtered at him, not knowing what to make out of this, again back to the question of why he effing cared so much. Taking that to mean that the conversation was over, he strode towards our second hour before a crowd was attracted by our — okay, _my_ — harsh words. It took me a while to get moving, still a little bemused by the straight answer he gave me. His intentions were good, but that didn't mean I wanted his help. Didn't I get that word across a few days ago?

The same scene repeated throughout the day, both adding to my irritation at Edward and making me exasperated by the repetition. It was so much that my fifth hour, before she could say anything, I just tonelessly said, "Yeah, I know. Edward is my new tutor. Whoop-de-doo." She blinked at me in surprise before dismissing me to cover up her surprise.

I was still furious at him and refused to speak to him all day, though I may admit that I might have overreacted earlier when I first found out about the tutoring. I hated people treating me like I couldn't handle it. But I did feel a little surge of joy at his actions; he still cared about me. And this tutoring gig meant that he would have to spend hours after school with me. Whether that was a good or bad thing was still at question. I was with split feelings of irritation and smug glee that me picked _me_ out of all the girls at the school. Granted, it probably had nothing to do with the fact that I was a female and more with the fact that I was failing all my classes, but still. It added a touch to my self esteem.

During passing period, Mike went up to Edward as we made our way to our next class, greeting him while ignoring me. "Hey Eddie," he grinned, and I had to smother a snort at the nickname. I would never get used to that childish nickname. Edward was just so much more refined than Eddie. "You want to go out to lunch tomorrow with me?" Wow. Way to be so degrading, Mike.

"No thanks," Edward answered before I would excuse myself from this awkward position of being blatantly not invited along with. "I'll be with Bella, as per usual." Mike's eyes flickered over to me as if he saw me for the first time. "So sorry for turning down the invite for the date," he added with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

Mike turned red at the implication of the word 'date,' muttering something. "Er, alright. See you later, then, man."

"Sure," Edward replied nonchalantly before turning away. Huh. Did he mean what I thought he did?

As soon as the last bell rang, I threw my trumpet back into its case and made my way to the exit when Edward blocked my way, grinning sheepishly.

"Jerk," I tossed at him. "Move, asshole."

He ignored my harsh words. "So, my little tutee, when shall we meet for our first lesson?"

I squinted at him beneath my one good eye. "You're serious about this? You want to tutor me?"

"Yeah. I told you, I want to help. Even if you don't want it," Edward added.

I sighed, pulling out a pen and grabbing his hand. I tried to ignore the fact that Edward's hand was in mine as I scrawled my address on his palm. I semi-reluctantly released his hand as I said, "Saturday. Come whenever you feel like it." Tucking the pen back in my pocket, I moved around him.

"Why not tonight or tomorrow night?" Edward called out after me.

"Because I don't feel like putting up with you for more than seven hours in a day," I shot back over my shoulder without a second glance.

* * *

Saturday arrived way too soon for my liking. Ugh. Being stuck alone with that know-it-all would be a pain, yet… I felt excited for it. True, I couldn't help but feel a dash of hope when Jake invited Edward to a party the day before that would take place on Saturday. I had hoped that he would accept and cancel the tutoring business and leave me alone. But that was too much hoping on my part, wasn't it? But now that there was no way out of this, I felt nerves tumbling around my stomach at the thought of him at my house.

I compulsively cleaned the house all morning under the awed eyes of my mom; I hadn't done a single chore since October 4. I thought she would comment on it, but she didn't, probably not wanting to ruin any good thing this was bringing by bombarding me with questions. I even went out and got the mail.

As I shuffled through the numerous envelopes, I noticed one thick manila envelope addressed to me. Flipping it over, I saw that it was from Stanford University, one of the colleges that Alice and I both applied to for early action. Not knowing what to expect, I tossed the rest of the mail on the counter and sliced open the envelope, pulling out its contents.

Briefly scanning the first page with an emotionless heart, my eyes froze on the word 'accepted.' It took my brain a little bit longer to fully comprehend the meaning.

Accepted.

To Stanford.

I got into _Stanford_.

I stared at the swimming page in front of my eyes in shock. Why didn't I feel happy about this? Because our plan to be roommates was crushed to pieces by that accident?

I let the papers drop and buried my face in my hands. I might not even graduate high school, and I got accepted to my dream school. Why should I be able to go when she can't? I couldn't imagine how things could get worse than this.

I stood there, motionless, as my mom's faint voice drifted from her bedroom.

"Oh, Esme, I'm so sorry," she said with sympathy. Esme? That was Alice's mom's name. "That must be so horrible to get her acceptance letter to Stanford now. She would have been such a successful young lady." There was a brief pause as her words slowly sank into my mind. "Oh, Esme, don't cry. She's gone to a better place now…"

Mom's voice faded out as a dull roar filled my ears. Alice got accepted to Stanford, too.

And so the world continued to torture me.

Forgetting about the tutoring, I mechanically limped outside and grabbed my bike. The cold wind bit at my bare arms and face, but I didn't feel any of it. I mindlessly pedaled towards my one place of comfort, and my mind was blank as I weaved through the people on the trails until I reached my secret cove. Letting my bike fall to the ground, I stumbled towards the protective cover of the Palo Verde trees, my vision blurring. Was I crying? I touched my cheek and was numbly surprised to see the wetness glistening on my fingertips.

I hugged myself, bending over and letting my nails dig into my sides through the thin blue t-shirt I was wearing. Then the world felt uneven under my feet, spinning around and around. I collapsed to the cracked ground, letting the tears fall down my face. _Oh, Alice, I'm so sorry. I don't deserve to go to Stanford. Not if you're not there_, I wailed in my head. _I should have been the one who died, not you. It's all my fault_.

I tightened my grip around myself, bringing my knees up towards my face to press my forehead into them. My breathing was shallow and came out as sharp gasps. My body shook from the noiseless sobs and shivered unconsciously from the cold that I couldn't even feel.

A few minutes passed before I faintly heard the soft crunching of gravel under feet and the rustle of the branches as a familiar figure approached my pathetic form. I ignored whoever it was, rocking back and forth in my fetal position even as they lifted me from my position in the dirt and sat back down with my form cradled in their arms like a giant, mutant baby. The figure shifted slightly, and I felt something warm placed around my shivering form. A jacket? I recognized the scent vaguely — masculine with a sweet cologne — but I didn't pull away. I needed the comfort right now.

I sobbed into his chest, his hand gently rubbing my back and smoothing out my hair. Occasionally his thumb would swipe under my eyes to wipe off the tears. He shushed me soothingly, murmuring quiet words of comfort. Incoherent words would tumble from my mouth occasionally, soft and slurred.

"My fault."

"Alice."

"Stanford."

Perhaps he grasped what exactly was going on, or perhaps he didn't. Either way, he stayed with me, holding me close to his chest for however long I needed. Slowly, my shuddering sobs subsided to soft hiccups until I fell silent for the most part. I don't know how long we were there, but it felt like quite some time had passed. My brain still wasn't functioning fully, but either way, I felt comfortable there.

The biting cold was numbing my nose, so I turned my face towards the warmth, burying my face into the soft cloth of his shirt with a sigh. I inhaled his deliciously masculine scent, loving the heady feeling it gave me. I could feel his chest rising and falling with every breath he took. His heartbeat pounded in his chest, and I closed my eyes to listen and feel its steady staccato as it galloped away. It seemed to speed up the longer we stayed in that position.

From the position I was in — sitting in his lap — , my butt was pressed up against his crotch. I unwittingly shifted in my position, and Edward let out a muffled groan as his arms tightened around me. _Oh dear Lord_. Finally realizing completely who I was with, I pulled away from him, trying to make myself believe that I was imagining the _something_ that was pressing into my arse. I blushed, averting my gaze. I probably looked horrible, with puffy red eyes and dirt-streaked face adding to my already scarred face.

I made to move away further — the air felt like it was sizzling around me with a tension of some sort — when he reached forth and gently rubbed away a stray tear. _Ahh..._ I lost whatever thought I had as I leaned my scarred cheek against his warm palm and closed my eyes. A strange fluttering batted inside my tummy at his tender touch.

He shuffled forward on his knees until our knees bumped together and I could feel his body heat radiating through the cool air. His breath feathered across my face, and I opened my eyes to stare into his beautiful green eyes that were full of some emotion — affection and tenderness? We were so close that I could see the flecks of gold in his eyes. Up close, they didn't look that similar to Alice's. Hers were more of an emerald with different shades of green painted across it. The ones I was currently staring into had dashes of honey in them with a rim of dark gold around the pupil.

I felt a strange desire as I tentatively reached up with a hand to lightly trace his sculpted cheek with my fingertips, exploring the feeling of his smooth skin. His gaze grew in intensity at my touch, bringing our faces closer until our noses brushed. I breath caught at the closeness, my thoughts growing fuzzy. My light touch moved to entwine my fingers into his thick, bronze locks. So soft.

He seemed to scrutinize the look in my eyes, one hand still against my cheek. Finding whatever answer he was searching for, he brought his other hand up under my chin to pull us together. His lips brushed against mine tenderly before slightly pulling back and pressing his lips firmer against mine. Our noses bumped together, but we didn't give it a thought. My fingers tightened in his hair unconsciously as my other hand curled against his chest.

The sizzling of tension — which I now recognized as chemistry — doubled from the contact as I parted my lips with a sigh. He tasted sweet with a hint of minty freshness. All thoughts of my grief vanished. He kept the kiss soft and gentle, and so I followed his lead. After a second, he pulled away slowly, his thumb caressing my cheek as he gazed into my eyes with his darkened green ones.

"You know what time it is?" Edward whispered suddenly, breaking the mood. I unraveled my fingers from his hair and sat back, gazing at my feet embarrassedly.

"What?" I mumbled, not knowing why this mattered.

"1:12 P.M."

The reason behind his mentioning of this melted into my bones as my eyes shot up with shock. "Really?" I gaped.

He grinned softly. "Yeah. Look." He reached out with his right wrist, displaying the watch there to back up his words.

I frowned at him, scrutinizing the face of the watch. "Is your watch right?" He nodded in confirmation. "Huh. Interesting."

I looked back up to see him gazing at me with tenderness in his eyes. "Guess we're breaking your strange phobias one by one," he murmured, his words taking my breath away.

"Yeah," I breathed, my mind clouding up again.

He stroked my scarred cheek once before moving his hand away. "Maybe I should just kiss you every day at 1:11 just to make sure," Edward said in a low voice, his husky voice causing me to blush. "I want all your scars to heal, Isabella Swan." His words touched me deeply as a shy smile played on my lips.

He pulled himself to his feet, holding out his hand towards me. "Now I believe I have some tutoring to do."

After a brief pause, I grasped it, small tingles running down my spine from the circles he traced on my skin with his thumb. I made to give him back his jacket that he slung over my shoulders, but he refused. So I silently slid my arms through the sleeves, reveling in his scent that was stamped into the cloth of it. He picked up my bike for me and rolled it all the way up the trails to his car, one hand still twined with mine.

"Get in," he said, but I froze, eyes wide at the image of the beast. I shook my head frantically, letting go of his hand so that I could wrap both arms around myself and backing up.

"I can't," I pleaded. "Just let me bike home. Please." He looked like he was about to argue but stopped when he saw the genuine fear on my face.

"Alright. That'll be the last phobia we tackle." He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on my forehead that sent chills of pleasure down my body and briefly made me forget what I was saying. When did my feelings towards him change? "See you soon," he said lowly as he got into his car.

* * *

When I turned into my driveway, Edward was already there, leaning on the hood of his sleek car. A light breeze tousled his uniquely brown hair, and I couldn't help but admire how handsome he was. He smiled at me softly, and my heart skipped a beat as I smiled back.

Once we were inside, I led him to the kitchen counter and sat at one of the barstools there. We kept things formal and professional as we studied. He barely touched me, and I was beginning to think that the kiss from before meant nothing to him. Downhearted, we slowly trudged through English then started through Social Studies until we decided it was enough for one day. At a glance through the windows, we could see that the sun was beginning to set in the horizon.

"I'll come by tomorrow, around noon, alright?" Edward said as he gathered his stuff.

I nodded in agreement then walked him to the door. "Bye," I whispered, rubbing my toe into the ground awkwardly, not knowing what to do. I glanced up at him and his dark gaze and quickly gathered my wits and courage. I shyly reached up on my toes to kiss him lightly on the cheek. His stubble was rough under my sensitive lips as he turned his head to capture my mouth with his own. What I had intended to be a light goodbye kiss between friends quickly shifted into something more.

My eyes fluttered closed from the first touch. His lips were soft on mine as I yielded to his pressure, parting my lips with a content sigh. Tracing the edge of my mouth with the tip of his tongue, his breath feathered over my face, warm and sweet. One of his hands traced up my arm with a light touch, barely there, until it cupped the scarred skin of my face, handling me as if I was so breakable. I didn't know when my fingers became entwined in his wild yet carefully sculpted hair but only reveled in its soft feel under my fingertips.

I felt the wall pressing up against my back, and I was only mildly confused at how I became sandwiched between his body and the wall with a brief deja vu moment. His other forearm rested on the wall next to our faces as his hand that was cupping my cheek shifted to curl into my hair. One of my hands tightened in his hair while the other slinked around to wrap around his neck. His scent filled my head and was making me dizzy again, though that might've also been because of my lack of oxygen.

With a groan, Edward pulled away as if he knew what I was thinking, breathing deeply. His green eyes were dark and smoldering as they gazed at me, memorizing my every facial feature. My every disfigured, horrendous, ugly facial feature.

At this thought, I backed off, dropping my gaze, trying to make myself smaller. I let my hair fall around my face to hide my ugliness. To save him from having to see it. He seemed to hesitate in the doorway, not knowing what to do with himself now that I avoided his gaze. Tentatively reaching up with one hand, he let one finger trace over the curve of my cheekbone, pulling away when I flinched from his touch.

"Bye, Bella," he said in a low voice before disappearing out the door.

After he left, I leaned against the front door, exhaling. I knew I hurt him by pulling away like that. To think that yesterday, I was still furious at him for this tutoring gig. But now…. I reached up touch my lips with my fingertips. That moment in Sabino Canyon brought out the emotions I had been stifling ever since Edward arrived. Has it really only been a week? It felt like forever. I sighed; how did I ever deserve such an amazing guy like him? I don't deserve him, especially after I caused the death of my best friend. Especially considering how beautiful he was and how ugly I was. _I don't deserve him._

But I couldn't take my mind off that kiss. It seemed like those butterflies in my stomach were permanent residents now.

Over dinner that night, Mom mentioned how I looked happier and lighter. I shrugged it off, knowing full well why, and told her indifferently about how my tutor was coming again tomorrow.

* * *

**A/N: **Mmm. I love Ryder. Err... I mean, Edward. xD He's so cute, don't you think? =3 If only Bella would quit pushing him away...

Can I be evil and ask for ten reviews before I post the next chapter? =3 Like... ten total. Haha. Shouldn't be too hard, eh?

**Pressing the green button will bring cookies! (Until supplies last) =3**

**Reviews make me a happy duck!**


	7. Chapter 6: The Healing

**A/N: **Haha. Okay. How about I give you one more chapter, and you give me some reviews. ;D Good deal?

Things get a little... _heated_ between Edward and Bella. ;)

Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Six: The Healing**

The next morning, I woke up early, excited and nervous to see Edward again. I hadn't felt this much stimulating emotion since that dreadful day two months ago. All of his characteristics that had bothered me before now seemed so appealing: his intelligence, his witty remarks, his good looks, his arrogance, his skilled trombone playing, his damn perfection, and the way he always persists to get what he wants. As I made my way to the shower, I realized that it was the first night that I didn't dream about the accident.

Instead, a certain bronze-haired, green-eyed beaut starred in my dreams once more. It was snowing for some reason, though I did not feel cold. I was on the ground, making a snow angel for some reason, when someone pulled me up. He wrapped a blanket around me, chiding me that I would catch a cold. And then I was shivering and huddling in my blanket, so Edward let out an exasperated sigh before pulling me flush to him. The snow suddenly all melted as his body heat swept over every surface. I could feel the hard planes of his body, so perfect and angular. I felt safe.

Then... I had to wake up to reality.

Quickly stripping down and averting my eyes from the mirror, I started the water, making the temperature extremely hot, and stepped in. The pounding of the scalding water against my scalp felt heavenly — when was the last time I took a decent shower? — as I washed myself thoroughly with my fruity shampoo. I stayed in there a couple minutes longer than necessary, just standing under the spray of burning water that turned my skin an angry red.

Afterwards, I limped to my room and pulled out my untouched clothes from shopping three months earlier and threw on something other than sweats for once. Instead, I had on a pair of dark jeans and a white lace top. I was even feeling grateful that my constant biking from place to place managed to keep the stealthy fat away, something that surely would have resulted from my dropping all my sports and being trapped in a hospital bed and cast for weeks. Grabbing a brush and hair dryer, I dried and brushed my hair until I could easily run my fingers through them. I had almost forgotten how pretty my hair could look.

I didn't really know why I was dressing up for Edward today; maybe I just wanted to show him the glamorous side of me. I didn't want to be just the ugly, deformed girl he was tutoring, but someone he could possibly like to be proud of. Not that that would ever happen, but a girl could dream, couldn't she?

I frowned slightly. How had he broken so easily through my barriers? I kept them up for a reason, trying to keep people out. True, I managed to block him for almost a week, but with one soft kiss, I unraveled completely. My walls came crashing down for him and his tenderness. I couldn't make sense of it. Sighing, I glanced at the clock and felt my lips curl down once more.

Three hours still remained until Edward arrived.

"You look nice today," Renee commented vaguely as I came downstairs to waste time in front of the television until noon. I ignored her, slumping in my seat as I flipped unseeingly through the channels. I barely acknowledged Renee when she left as she did nearly every day for work.

The deep purr of a semi-foreign engine alerted me of his arrival at noon. I hopped to my feet and raced to the door, wrenching it open as he stepped out of his car.

"Hi," I greeted shyly, immediately regretting seeming overly excited. This was silly. Why would he like _me_? I almost felt like rushing back into my room and hiding in my sweats once more. I felt exposed by wearing non-baggy clothing like this.

"Hey," Edward replied as he reached for his bulky backpack. He glanced over me once before smiling slyly. "You look nice." The feeling of unworthiness diminished slightly at his words.

I restrained a blush and failed, contemplating how different that compliment sounded from his lips rather than my mom's. "Thanks," I muttered, swearing to never dress up for a boy again. I backed up so that he could enter the house before turning around to face him. "What's on the agenda for today?"

"Oh, schoolwork. The usual stuff," he said vaguely and I raised my eyebrow. It sounded like he was planning something.

"Did you eat lunch? I could whip you up something quick," I threw over my shoulder as I stepped towards the kitchen. "I'm feeling some grilled cheese sandwiches." I was in the middle of getting out supplies when I heard a low mumble behind me. Pivoting around, I shot him a look. "What did you say?"

"Oh, nothing. I just said, 'Oh, so she's eating now, huh?'" he repeated, grinning at me devilishly.

I cocked my head defiantly, fighting a smile. "So what? I've been known to eat."

"Uh huh," he merely said, sounding extremely unconvinced. But his lips were quirked upward in that panty-dropping grin, causing me to flush red and turn back towards the stove, cursing my hormones and my thudding heart.

After our little feast of bread and cheese, we got to work on Chemistry. I was actually understanding all this crap about hybridization and Lewis structures. However, halfway through, I glanced at the clock and a little jolt of fear ran through me. Edward followed my gaze and put down his pencil immediately, coming around to collect my nearly-shattered pieces into his arms, pulling me to the ground so that we mimicked the position of yesterday with him cradling me.

"Hey, hey, shh," Edward murmured softly into my hair, holding me tight. "This is all in your mind. Nothing's going to happen. You just got to get over this. Shh." He rocked me back and forth as I clutched at the front of his shirt, waiting for the panic to hit, waiting for the shaking to start, waiting for the sirens and screaming and sounds tearing metal to begin. I started to shake, but only from the anticipation. Edward held me tighter. "Oh, Bella," he breathed as he his lips pressed into my hair then trailed downward. "My poor Bella."

I got lost in his touch like the day before as I automatically turned my head to meet his lips shyly with mine. My hands fisted in the fabric of his shirt as Edward pulled me tighter to him. I felt my breathing become more unsteady as I pressed myself closer to him. I was almost surprised by how irregular his heartbeat sounded, almost in sync with my own. A satisfied grin curved the corners of my mouth as I realized that _I_ was affecting him this way. Ugly and deformed _me_. And then all thought left my mind as I felt his warm tongue caressing my lip, urging me to part my lips. I did so willingly and was assaulted by additional emotions from the feel of his tongue pressing up against my own, tangling and dancing within our mouths.

Not breaking our locked lips, I felt Edward's hands on my hips as they gently lifted me and adjusted my position so that I was straddling him. My hazy mind barely registered this new position with my knees pressing into the cold ceramic floor on either side of his slender hips. His knees were bent with feet flat on the ground, creating a nice "V" from his thighs to his chest where I could settle somewhat comfortably.

I forgot everything. My mind was completely blank, so blissfully blank, as Edward's hand creeped up my sides, his touch sending shivers of pleasure through my overheated body. All I knew was what I was feeling at that moment. The feel of him under me, my center aching from being so close yet so far. The feel of his fingers ghosting down my back. The feel of his thick locks tangled in my fingers while my other hand burning from the contact against his warm, hard chest. And the feel of his glorious lips moving against mine, doing wicked things with his tongue, killing me slowly with one brush.

My brain, still frozen, moved feebly, objecting my actions and trying to rationalize why — I didn't deserve him, this must be a trick, he couldn't want _me_ — and failing miserably. My lungs protested, oxygen-deprived and screaming at my to pull away and take a breath. But my heart told me otherwise, crushing the opposition and letting me just _feel_.

I shifted slightly in my position, and Edward groaned softly in my mouth, his hands drifting down to my hips to still my movements. I became aware of _something_ pressing against the inside of my thigh and it took my mind a little too long before comprehension dawned upon me.

I almost pulled away then, but then he let out such a mouthwatering groan and ground himself in slow circles against my heated core, his hands gripping my hips tightly. And I lost it. All logic, rationalization, and thought fled my head as a soft moan of my own left my mouth.

I suddenly felt our positions switch as the cold, hard kitchen floor pressed against my back with Edward on top of me. His delicious weight was carefully distributed as to not crush me. He had this lust-filled, dazed look in his eyes when I slid my incoherent gaze to him. But all I could concentrate on was the feeling of the friction between us as he rubbed his pelvis against mine. Wiggling my own against him, I felt a jolt of pleasure at the feeling it brought. I was gripping his hair so tightly that I thought I might yank them out by the roots, but I couldn't get my hands to cooperate and loosen their grip. He kept his lips against my skin, brushing against the edge of my jaw, the sweet spot on my neck, more pressure against my own hungry mouth.

Too many clothes. The jeans I was wearing restricted me too much, and I'll bet he felt the same, if not more so. My fingers clawed down his back, feeling the rippling muscles underneath the thin cloth of his shirt, and he bucked involuntarily against me.

"Fuck," he hissed, and that one word seemed to clear the fuzzies in my head. I froze, Edward's face nuzzled against my neck, and loosened my grip on his shirt, trying to close my legs though my body protested my movements. He instantly noticed the tension in my body and gritted his teeth to stop his motions. He slowly got off me, watching me for my reaction as I pulled myself to a sitting position, scooting back a little.

I looked away from his burning gaze, blushing and breathing hard. My body still tingled from where he had pressed up against me, aching for his return. I squashed the feeling, embarrassment smacking me in the face. I had let things go too far. Shit, we were _grinding_ against each other like two hormone-ridden teenagers! Which, technically, we were, but that wasn't the point. He just had this enigmatic aura around him that just drew me to him. I couldn't let it get out of hand and overreact like that again. Dammit, we could have ended up fucking on my kitchen floor!

Hell, I didn't do stuff like this. I wasn't a slut and slept around. I wasn't inexperienced, by far, however. I went through my share of relationships, including with Mike and Jake. Jake was my first. And my only. But we had been together for a while before taking the step to be _that_ intimate. I only knew Edward for less than a week!

Obviously, I was angry at myself for falling so easily into his charms. I couldn't let him get to me _that_ easily. I thanked the Lord that Renee was out of the house.

I shifted uncomfortably, feeling the hot wetness of my panties. Dammit.

A little frightened of what I would see, I finally lifted my gaze to him to see him with a soft grin on his lips, his eyes locked behind me. Bewildered — did he not _notice_ what had happened moments before? — I followed his gaze to see the time. 1:16. I felt my cheeks grow warm at one thought before turning my thoughts back to the true reason he brought that to my attention.

No panic attack once more.

Though, in my defense, almost having sex with this gorgeous creature was probably enough to distract anyone from _anything_.

Then I felt my heart drop like a stone. Did he just do all that to keep me distracted? So that I wouldn't have a panic attack. I frowned inwardly, trying to convince myself that that wasn't it. It _couldn't_ be it. Right?

I didn't know how to act around him, awkwardly darting my eyes all over the room. The tension was thick in the room, so different from the electrifying chemistry that had swirled in the air moments before. Edward finally moved, and, though I flinched away from him, wrapped his arms around me.

After a moment of resisting the pull, I gave in and let myself relax against his embrace.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in my ear, and a light shuddered pattered down my spine at his breath in my ear. "That was completely inexcusible and disrespectful. I'm sorry for making you feel uncomfortable."

I felt all the fight leave me, sighing as my arms slinked around to wrap around him in return. "'S'okay," I murmured. "I just kind of... lost myself a little there. It's not that I didn't, erm, like it," I blushed, glad he couldn't see my face, "but it's just —"

"— too fast," he finished for me, and I nodded against his neck, resting my head in the crook of his shoulder. "Slower, then." We stayed like that for a little bit, just absorbing each other. I wasn't sure what was happening now. Did he want to go out with me? Take me on a date? Just be fuck-buddies? I pushed it out of my mind, just pressing my face into his neck to breath in his masculine scent.

"How does that happen?" I voiced softly, thinking about my 1:11 phobia and how he was changing things. "Whenever I'm with you…" I trailed off, extricating myself from his grasp and standing up. He followed my lead as we moved back to our forgotten homework. "Let's do Calculus now."

After a while punching numbers into calculators and scrawling numbers over papers, I slumped in my seat, letting my pencil drop. My head felt like it was going to explode. "Ugh. I'm done," I exhaled as I flopped onto the couch. Edward joined me and pulled me to him. I hesitated before letting myself relax against him, resting my head on his chest. I could hear his heartbeat thumping faster. This was nice. I closed my eyes, liking the feeling of security this brought with his arm draped around my shoulders. He almost made me feel beautiful again.

"Okay, we can be done with schoolwork for today," he agreed. I pulled away, facing him with a cocked eyebrow.

"You _are_ planning something, aren't you?" I accused, and he grinned guiltily.

"Get your trumpet," he just said simply.

It took Edward a couple of tries to first get me to get out my trumpet then to get me to play it for him. But I couldn't refuse when he pleaded with me, though I did regret it once he told me the reason why. He wanted me to challenge up to first chair again, starting with fifth chair. I was outraged.

"No way!" I protested, nearly throwing my instrument across the room just so I wouldn't have to. "I suck!"

"You just need to practice. I know you have it in you. You've stopped caring after the accident," Edward stated calmly, and I couldn't help but see the truth in his words. "Besides, the fifth chair guy sucks. You can beat him easily."

An hour later, I had finally fixed my embouchure that had been messed up ever since the crash, and I was regaining my tone quality of before. Even Edward looked impressed.

"If you keep up all this improvement, you could ask for a challenge tomorrow and be ready for the challenge on Wednesday," Edward claimed, pulling me to him so that he could place a soft kiss on my lips.

I scoffed at him, trying to ignore the heat flooding to my cheeks, but I couldn't stop the warm feeling of hope that I may actually beat the fifth chair.

"Hey, Bella, wait here one second," Edward called out as he jogged out the door. Bemused by his strange actions, I peered out the window to see him bending into his car and grabbing something bright orange and round.

I raised an eyebrow in skepticism at him as he walked back inside, the bright basketball tucked under his arm. "You _can't_ be serious," I exclaimed, eying the ball warily.

"Oh, but I am," Edward teased cockily. "I was saving this, not sure how well the trumpet thing would go down. But you're doing really well, so why not?"

"Um, how about because I can't run? Haven't you seen my limp?" I shot out, pointing at my legs. "And I can't do any vigorous exercise or else my chest starts hurting."

"What's the harm in trying?" Edward just simply asked, gazing at my intensely. I sighed; I hated it when he could rebuff my whole argument with just a couple of words. And I was getting distracted by his gaze.

"Why do you care so much?" I muttered as he led me outside reluctantly. "Why do you care if I play the trumpet or play basketball or anything?"

"Because you don't deserve any of this. You deserve a good, full life, especially after what you had to go through."

"Are going through," I corrected under my breath.

"And I want to help you put your life back together," Edward finished off, pretending he didn't hear me.

"But you've only known me for less than a week. You make no sense on why you would go through so much trouble for a hopeless case like me," I muttered as I stared up at the basketball hoop on our driveway.

"Because I know you can improve. And I care about you. I don't know why. Just the first time I saw you that morning, I didn't see some grumpy, scarred girl. I saw a sweet, beautiful woman who just lost her way and was begging for help," Edward said as he grabbed my shoulders to make me face him.

"Not begging for help," I mumbled, trying to keep my stubbornness but feeling myself melting under his gaze.

"Your eyes said it all," he whispered, wrapping his arms so tenderly around me. I sighed, snuggling into his chest. "Everyone looks at you differently now and you just want everything to go back to normal. You don't want all this attention but they give it to you anyways. And they're giving you the wrong attention because they just stare and gossip but should be trying to befriend you and help. When you walked in the office that day, on the outside you were a resilient, stubborn girl just begging for someone to look at you the wrong way so that you can pound their teeth out." I restrained a chuckle at his words here. "But your eyes displayed the lost spirit inside you. So broken. So shattered."

I frowned at him lightly, turning my head to press my cheek against his chest. "How do you know so much about me and how I'm feeling?"

I could feel him lift his shoulder then let them drop as he made a noncommittal noise. I stayed in that position, just reveling in his warmth. I was falling hard for this strange boy.

"Bella…?" Edward trailed off, sounding hesitant and nervous before plunging forward. "Um, well, there's the Winter Formal this Saturday, right?"

"Yeah," I breathed, completely oblivious. I remembered all my ex-friends talking and gossiping about it for the past two weeks. I wasn't going.

"Do you want to go with me?" Oh. Well, that changes things.

"Sure," I agreed, trying to sound nonchalant. I guess this helped me out in figuring out what exactly our relationship was now. The Winter Formal… I already had a dress for that. I went shopping in September for it with Alice —

Oh God. Alice was there when I put on that dress and bought it.

My legs collapsed under me as the grief hit me strong, but Edward's arms caught me, holding me up. "Bella?" he said frantically. "What's wrong? What did I do?"

Oh, Alice, Alice, Alice. What kind of friend was I if I just completely forgot about her for a moment? How could I be happy when I caused her death?

"I shouldn't go," I murmured weakly as I leaned my weight into his arms. "It's not fair. And _she_ helped me pick out that dress. I can't wear that anymore."

"You don't have to wear that dress then. Anything will look great on you," he tried to convince me, but I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Come. You deserve a night of fun."

I pressed my face into the front of his shirt, struggling with the tears that threatened to explode. But something did explode as a booming car horn shrieked behind me.

I instantly tensed up, waiting for the screaming and sounds of metal tearing to follow, but it didn't. Turning, I saw a silver Honda Civic whiz by, its inhabitants all with their faces pressed up against the glass. I recognized a few of them from school. _Great_…

I pulled away from Edward immediately, feeling my face get hotter. Avoiding his eyes, I picked up the basketball and dribbled it once clumsily. "You might want to move your car," I said lightly as I aimed towards the hoop and threw.

* * *

**A/N: **What did you guys think about the almost-lemon? =)

About Edward?

The dance?

Let me know!

**Please Read and Review! Thanks, loves!**


	8. Chapter 7: The Relapse

**A/N: **Here's the next chapter, folks! Thanks again to all my readers, especially to those who left a review! You rock!

* * *

**Chapter Seven: The Relapse**

When I woke up the next day, I was feeling a little sick to the stomach. I would be turning in the challenge slip to the band director today — preferably _after_ the room was cleared so nobody can watch. Of course, the girls from the Honda Civic yesterday were probably gossiping all over the school about Edward and me. Ugh. Didn't they have lives of their own to destroy?

It took me a little bit longer than usual to get ready because I had hesitated in front of my closet. Should I dress like a normal person now? I had even started to reach towards my untouched clothes from shopping months before. But I had resisted the urge, brushing the thought outside and throwing on my usual, if maybe less tattered, sweats. I had nobody to impress, and even if I did, they'd better like me for who I was, not what I wore. Every girl's dream, right? A bunch of bullshit to me, since appearance played a part in impressions, no matter what gobbly-gook people spat out about how looks didn't matter. But enough of my mindless rambling.

I did manage to switch out my sweatpants for a pair of baggy jeans, just as loose-fitting and comfortable and against-the-fashion as my sweatpants were. I also quickly ran a brush through my rat's-nest hair. Okay, okay, so maybe I _was_ trying to impress someone. Shut up, and none of your business. I didn't try to do anything else with my hair, in my defense. It still hung, lanky and shapeless, to curtain around my face.

When I got to school, I could feel the doubled powers of the stares following my way. It couldn't have been because of my appearance because I barely did anything to it. And I had an inkling of what it really was. Girls were the gossip queens, weren't they? I really wished people would just let us live our lives without having to be under scrutiny, but that was just wishful thinking.

I hunched over as I walked, wrapping my arms protectively around my midriff. But I couldn't help but look for that one familiar face out of the corners of my eyes even though I kept my gaze aimed downward. Yup, those girls certainly spread word. I could hear the whispers behind their hands, catching Edward's name and mine occasionally. But I pretended that they weren't there as I pushed my way through the halls. A wave of relief greeted me once I reached my locker.

I twisted the lock to my combination, feeling my stomach drop slightly at the thought that maybe he was ignoring me now. Was he regretting things now? I furiously tried to ignore the hurtful words of criticism of my peers around me. Their words pretty much matched my insecurities about myself. _Me_? How could such a hottie like _him_ like _me_?

"Hey you," a deep, masculine voice rumbled behind me. I couldn't resist the small smile that slid on my lips, no matter what insecure thoughts I was having, as I turned around to see tanned skin, dark hair, and green eyes. I had to blink once to chase that image of Alice away before I smiled wider. I leaned back slightly so that I could brace myself against the metal of the cold locker door.

"Hey you," I repeated shyly. Just one look at him chased my doubts. He was really here with me. My eyes slid past his face to catch the turned faces of eavesdroppers. Their eyes may have darted away in a failed excuse to hide their stalking manner, but I still caught their gazes. Pathetic. "Ugh," I voiced my disgust.

"You noticed too, huh?" Edward said in a low voice, catching on to what I meant immediately. "Everyone keeps asking me if we're going out," he mentioned lightly. My frozen heart jolted once before I stemmed it. I couldn't help but admit how much I liked the sound of that.

"And what did you say?" I asked, trying to keep my tone light and nonchalant. My back was pressed against my locker door in a familiar position as Edward braced a hand next to my head. Blushing lightly, I tumbled into the depths of his deep eyes as they captured mine. _Sigh_. _Just take me away, Edward_.

"I said yes. It's a lot simpler then trying to weasel out of it. Hope you don't mind," Edward replied, a little sheepish grin playing on his lips.

"Nope," I breathed, wondering if he just said that for the simplicity of it or because he really wanted to. My heart thudded loudly in my ears. It was still so amazing that he chose me. There must be a reason.

"Good," he breathed as he placed a small kiss on my crooked nose, despite the audience we were getting. My eyes fluttered closed at the brief contact, my breath catching at the feel of his soft lips on my skin. The whispers increased by that little action, and he seemed a little pleased by it. "Let's get to class," he said outloud, looping his arm around my shoulders.

When we arrived at the classroom, we could feel all the eyes zero in onto us. I was actually glad that his seat was next to mine now; I wouldn't have been able to withstand all the stares on my own.

When the bell finally rang, we got up to leave, but as we made our way down the hallway, I realized that I left my binder in the classroom. Telling Edward to just meet me in class, I weaved through the crowd, backtracking.

The crowd had thinned by now; the minute bell rang and everyone scurried to their next hour over the sounds of dim music. I almost reached the room when I heard a presence behind me and tensed up. Swiveling around, I saw who it was and relaxed.

"Oh, hey Lauren," I greeted emotionlessly as I turned back around. I wasn't in the mood to talk to some hyper teenaged girl.

"Bella," Lauren called out and I reluctantly turned to face her.

"What?" I said harshly; as much as I really didn't care, she was going to make me late. I stated this to her, but she didn't falter as she made her way towards me. Her grey eyes burned with some emotion — envy? — and her painted-red lips were set in a hard line.

"So, you and Edward, huh?" she questioned, stopping in front of me with her hands on her hips. She smiled, but it looked like the grin of a lioness before she pounced on her prey.

"Yeah. So?"

Her unnerving grin grew wider. "A couple of us couldn't help but wonder how it happened," she voiced, managing to keep her tone light though her eyes betrayed her emotion.

"What are you talking about, Lauren?" I asked exasperatedly. "Don't you know how it works when someone asks you out?" I had to bite my tongue from going further and verbally lashing out at her. I wasn't in a mood for a catfight.

Her lips twitched, but that creepy smile remained on her face. "Oh, we were just wondering how you got Edward to go for you so quickly. He's only been here like a week, after all. What did you have to give him? Sex?"

I flinched at her blunt words and felt my cheeks warm up against my will. She saw my blush and let out a derisive laugh.

"Oh my god. You did? What, did you have to flash your goods? Or what's left of it, anyways," she added, eying me up and down. I had to will my arms not to curl around me and try to shrink myself away from her hurtful gaze. "He must be working his way up, then, if he started with _you_."

"No," I finally spat out. "He happens to like my personality and who I am." Right? And her implication that he was only hanging out with me for sex was completely out of the question because, as much as I didn't want to admit it, Lauren was right. He could do so much better if that's all he was after. And he wouldn't even need to start from the bottom to "work his way up," as she so kindly put it.

Her eyes narrowed slightly before she suddenly stated, "Did you know his mom is a psychiatrist? She sees lots of people who've experienced traumatizing events."

I shrugged, a little taken aback by the change in topic. "So?" I said offhandedly. "Your point?"

"Oh, nothing. I just heard that he wants to be a psychiatrist, too, and likes to practice on people," Lauren said airily though the hard envy in her gaze grew deeper. "And who's a better patient then a girl who went through a car accident and survived while her friend didn't?"

I bit my lip; was what she was saying true? Was Edward really only hanging out with me because of my 'condition'? It did seem like he was trying pretty hard to get my life going normally. Was this a new method he was testing? Get close to the patient and make them get distracted in moments of agony. It seemed like all that I suspected was true.

Slipping on a mask to hide my inner turmoil, I sneered at her, "Oh, he's so sweet to want to help people like that. And he's _such_ a good kisser." I grinned at Lauren triumphantly. Her fake smile fell faster than I could blink.

"He's only doing that to test out a new curing method his mom came up with," she spat at me, disregarding any effort to hide her contempt. Whoa. Déjà vu. Her words jabbed at my shattered heart. "Distract the patient by introducing a new friend or relationship." Major déjà vu. My heart twisted painfully.

I tried to convince myself that Lauren was lying, but I couldn't. I knew there was something strange about him. He was too knowledgeable, too caring. I knew there had to be a reason why he was hanging out with me. Now I knew. My eyes burned as tears threatened to fall. Seeing my weakness, Lauren pushed forward relentlessly.

"And he knows that if he hangs out with you, people will notice him more. He doesn't love you. That's just part of his act. Who would love a freak like you?" Lauren sneered victoriously as her words ripped at my healing wounds like a knife.

Turning tail like a coward with tears streaming down my face, I half-ran, half-limped to the nearest bathroom, all thoughts about my binder gone, and locked myself in a stall. I let the suppressed pain and memories from the past two days strike at me, over and over again, until I was but a mess of tears and grief.

As the bell rang to release second hour, I reluctantly shuffled out to rejoin the masses. I let my hair drop to cover my puffy eyes, but I still attracted gazes to me, especially as I walked into my next class. I avoided Edward's worried eyes as I made my way to my seat, even ignoring him as he called out my name. How could he keep up that fake façade? I felt a brief flare of fury at the thought, but it was quickly overcome by grief once more.

I could tell that he was about to come over to me, but then the bell rang and the teacher began. Saved by the bell.

I knew avoiding him at lunch would be extra hard — I didn't want a confrontation — and turned out I was right. I did manage to lose him for a little bit, but he caught up to me as I made my way to the library in an effort to avoid my normal spot. Damn.

"Bella!" Edward's voice called out behind me, and I tried to pick up my pace. It was useless with my limp, however. The hallways were clearing up as only a few stragglers remained. "Bella, why are you ignoring me?" he asked, his voice completely innocent.

That did it.

The flare of fury rose up once more, strong and bright. He was going to still pretend that he cared? What a bastard! I couldn't believe he would use me like this!

I swiveled around and instinctively swung my arm at him. He reeled back, a hand to his burning cheek and looking quite aghast. My palm stung from hitting him as I glared at him with my one good eye. "How long did you think your little charade would go until I found out?" I snarled at him. "I can't _believe_ you would use me like that!" I echoed my thoughts, fighting back my tears of humiliation.

"What are you talking about?" Edward asked, looking completely and innocently confused. That fucking little actor.

"Oh, drop the act," I hissed, my hand itching to slap him again. "Just leave me alone. I don't want your help anymore. You've done enough." I pivoted back around despite Edward's desperate calls and turned quickly into the girl's bathroom that was conveniently only a few steps away. I braced myself against the sink, trying to drown out his calls as he was forced to stop at the door.

"Bella! Bella!"

I shuddered as Edward's voice fazed out and a new voice replaced it; a faint memory raided me as they called out my name as well. Sirens filled the air along with panicked voices and the rusty scent of blood and death and metal. My legs gave out under me as I collapsed to the cold floor, clutching my head. Darkness swallowed everything.

* * *

The shrill ringing of a bell slashed through the thick syrup in my brain. Groggily, I sat up from my previously sprawled position on the cold tiles. Ugh. Thank god nobody came in and made a big deal out of this.

Wondering which bell just rang, I peeked outside and saw the time. Oh, good, fourth hour just started. I only missed lunch.

I scurried my way over to my next class, my arms wrapped around myself protectively, as if I was trying to hold my shattered pieces together. I knew I would have to brace myself from all the stares my late entrance would bring.

I muttered a quick apology to the teacher and sat down, avoiding the gazes of my peers — and especially Edward's. That was hard, considering we sat at the same table and he kept shoving notes at me with his scrawled writing, asking for forgiveness for whatever he did. Ha! I enjoyed the crestfallen expression on his face as I crumpled up each one with my hand, not even bothering to read the whole thing. I pushed away the little cringe of guilt at causing him pain, reminding myself that the fucking little liar deserved it.

At 1:11, my panic attack hit right on schedule. It was particularly painful; I guess I was regressing instead of improving. So much for their little 'method'. Edward tried to sooth me, but I just weakly pushed him away. Like I wanted his help. I just wanted to scream at him to drop the fucking facade. I knew what was going on, and he knew that I knew. So why keep up with it. Damn him. If he still thought he could get back with me, he was even crazier than I thought.

I still went on with my plan after sixth-hour band. I waited until the room was mostly clear before approaching the band director with my challenge slip. I would show Edward that I didn't need his help to get on with my life. Maybe then he'll get out of my life for good. My heart still throbbed painfully from having it broken twice — once by Alice's departure and the other by Edward's betrayal.

Edward finally seemed to have gotten the hint; I half-expected him to arrive at my house for our tutoring session, but he didn't show up. I was maliciously glad; yet, there was a part of me that ripped some more. I guess what Lauren said was true since he didn't persist on convincing me.

That afternoon was extremely lonely. Though I still felt betrayed by what Edward did, I couldn't help but miss his presence. All his actions may have been complete fake, but he was still like a shield for all the bad memories; he would ward them off unconsciously, just by being there. I curled up on my bed all night. The sounds of Alice's terrified screams and the crunching of metal reverberated in my mind; I could smell the burning rubber and the metallic blood; the taste of rusty metal was in my mouth from the blood along with the sharp panic. But I would much rather feel this pain then the aching pain of heartbreak again. Right?

Wrong. As much as I would've loved to rip him apart with my fingernails and throw him in the dumpster, this sharp pain of the unrelenting memories was one thing I couldn't handle anymore. Even if it was completely fake, I did need his help. But I would not ask for it. I would handle this myself like before.

The nightmare of before had returned that night. I woke up multiple times throughout the night, screaming into my pillow to muffle the sounds. My throat was sore and body worn from sleep deprivation; I was almost getting used to the lack of nightmares the past two nights. It was even almost worse from having the little break; the pain came harder, the memories brighter, the chaos quicker. I was like a druggie deprived of my drug of choice. Dependent on it, I was breaking under the effects of withdrawal.

Tuesday passed similarly to yesterday. I continued to ignore Edward, though I couldn't help but catch myself with my gaze wandering to him when he wasn't looking. Argh.

Even though I hoped he might still pursue me, I was wrong on this aspect. He still kept away from me, giving me my space, though he still walked with me to and from classes. I don't know why he was doing this; was he expecting me to fall at his feet to accept his apology, and everything would be just peachy? Then he must be even more delusional than me.

I was still determined to fight back with my 'strange phobias' as he put it. When 1:11 rolled by, I attempted to hold still, merely curling my hands into fists, tensing up in place, and squinting my eyes shut. I was actually able to keep my position for a second as car honks, shrieking metal against metal, and terrified screams filled my ears before I slumped against my desk, trembling. I felt a cool hand against my cheek — Edward? —, but I pushed it away and the touch didn't return.

Sixth hour was depressing on an extra level. Apparently the fifth chair trumpet player had told the whole band once he got my challenge slip, and they were all giving me funny looks. Ha. I would completely botch this challenge. I didn't practice last night, and I doubted that I would tonight.

As the final bell rang, Edward tentatively came up to me as I was packing my instrument. Even though I was waiting for this moment all day, a new surge of anger replaced the desire; oh, so _now_ he decided to pleasure me with his presence?

"Bella…?" he said softly, silently begging me to look at him. When I refused, he went on. "Do you need help practicing for your challenge tomorrow?"

Ah, he just made things worse by bringing that up. I glared up at him and nearly felt my resolve vanish just by looking into his saddened gaze. My fingers twitched as I urged to brush his dark hair out of his eyes, but I restrained it, layering on more resentment instead. "No, I'm doing fine by myself, thanks," I lied in a clipped and harsh manner. I wouldn't admit that I would lose.

That night was just as bad as the previous. The memories were like on a repeat button; they kept looping over and over in my mind until I was reduced to a whimpering, grieving mess. I couldn't handle this anymore. Renee was oblivious to everything, of course; she was too busy with work like usual and would come home long after I had retired to mourn in my bed. And she was such a heavy sleeper that my muffled screams barely reached her consciousness. It seemed like all my progress from before had officially vanished. Whoop-de-doo.

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**A/N: **Yes, yes. I admit that I'm an evil person. I finally get the two somewhat together, then I rip them apart. But hey, at least the reunion will be that much sweeter, eh? ^.^;

Poor Bella is sucked back into her depression. I'm kinda getting annoyed with her right now, especially for listening to Laurenbitch. Yup.

Who here noticed that Bella seems to cuss more when she's in a bad mood? -raises hand- If you did, good for you! Brownie points. =)

Let me know what you think so far! I think I might have to throw in more cliffies in later chapters. =)

**Please read and review, loves!**


	9. Chapter 8: The Broom Closet

**A/N: **Thanks to all my readers and to the few who left a review! ^.^

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**Chapter Eight: The Broom Closet**

Wednesday morning. Half-way through the hell week of torture. _Ugh._

When I caught my reflection in the mirror as I trudged my way around the house in the morning, I automatically flinched away. Ugh. I looked more like a mess than usual. My lanky hair was horrid enough; tie that in with my sickly pale skin and sunken in eyes, and I looked like a corpse of the living dead. Frowning, I rubbed my thumb lightly under the dark circles and bags under my dull eyes. Damn nightmares.

Once again, my sleep cycle was disrupted. Every time I even managed to fall asleep during the night, the memories assaulted me before I could reach the deep sleep or REM cycle. Always hovering in the stage one or two of sleep, it wasn't enough to energize me throughout the day.

I slumped to school, irritated and tense. I already had cussed out an unfortunate butterfly that crossed my path, a crack in the sidewalk that caught at my shoe, and my faithful bike for refusing to cooperate. I didn't want to know how I would act when put with actual humans. My fuse line was extremely short this morning from lack of sleep; I hoped nobody bothered me, for their sake.

But as I slouched through the hallways, gritting my teeth in annoyance and glaring at anyone who even _looked _at me, I caught the wisps of my name. I recognized the voice with an internal groan. Lauren. She was muttering to a few girls, most of whom I used to be friends with before the accident. I would've kept walking if she kept her blubbery, big, fat mouth shut. Okay, maybe not because I seriously was in a pissy mood comparable to PMSing. But still.

"Look how pathetic she looks," Lauren stage-whispered behind her hand so that I could hear her clearly. My jaw clenched. "What. A. Mess." Each word stabbed at me like a knife in my back. Fit her new role as a backstabber.

My temper broke as I turned on them, fury flaring. "_What did you say_?" I snarled, fists clenched. The chattering in the halls dipped at the sound of my sharp tone, heads turning in curiosity. Lauren looked to Jessica, the sneering girl on her left, for support before facing me with an identical sneer.

"You. Are. Pathetic. It's been two months, and it's about time you get on with your life instead of whining for pity like a selfish, driveling little girl," she ridiculed. _Oh, no she di'int_. "Alice is dead. Get over it."_ She did NOT just go there._ There was a soft, stifled gasp from one of the horrified girls to her right whom I recognized as Angela, her hand brought up to her mouth. Lauren acted as if she didn't hear her, clearly ignoring her.

Her words were like a kick to the stomach as my anger was stifled by agony. I even curled over a little bit, wrapping my arms protectively around my abdomen to hold myself together. "How can you put off her death so easily?" I whispered in pain from my keeled over position. "She was your friend, too."

Through the haze of anguish, I could have sworn I saw her mask falter slightly, uncertainty and guilt marring her features. Just when I thought she would back down, she glanced at Jessica, who gave her a nod of fierce encouragement. Jessica never really liked me, and the feeling was mutual. Ever since I accidentally broke her doll in pre-school, she maintained a vendetta against me. But I was shocked at how far she was willing to go to hurt me.

Apparently Lauren liked the support of others behind her back as she turned back to me with the hard look back on her face.

"_Friend_?" she scoffed. "Alice hated me." I flinched when she said her name as I clutched at my torso tighter. Her name was like a taboo to me. My motion didn't go unnoticed by Lauren. "You don't like when I say her name? Alice. Alice. _Alice_," she repeated mercilessly, too caught up in her fun to see how much pain she was causing me. To think she used to be my friend.

"Stop," I moaned, but she seemed to get extra power from my admittence to weakness. Her spiteful grin grew larger, flashing her molars at me.

"Alice is _dead_," Lauren stated bluntly. Another sharp jab to my heart. "You were in the car with her and probably distracted her from her driving. Maybe it's all your fault. It probably is." And another. And another. And another.

"Lauren," Angela whispered, her brow furrowed in unease. "Maybe you're going too far." But Lauren ignored the pitying girl, seeming to be on some crazy roll, as if torturing the deformed girl would somehow increase her popularity among her peers.

I backed up, silent tears streaming down my face as Lauren opened her mouth to continue. My vision blurred from a mixture of tears and emotions. When a set of strong arms braced me from behind, I nearly fell into the familiar embrace. _Edward_.

I collapsed into his protective arms as he glared at the tormenting girls. They seemed to shrink under his gaze. "You are all _despicable_," he hissed, and I could see the collective wince as his words hit them. "Picking on Bella like that. Have you no sense of _shame_?" he snarled. I could feel his arms trembling around me from his restrained anger. I could only imagine that having me there was stopping him from pummeling them, even though they were girls. "Heed this warning, _all_ off you: if I ever see you talking to Bella again and making her cry, you _will_ regret it."

Even I could feel the sting of Edward's words. Boy, was I glad I wasn't on the receiving end of that anger. The ground lurched and disappeared from under me; it took me a moment to realize that he had picked me up like a child. Cradling me to his chest gently, he carried me away from the stunned expressions of the girls. So my knight rescues me again, I suppose. Through the harsh distress of unwanted memories, I felt a twinge of happiness; Edward had returned to me.

_Wait_.

Edward had returned to me. I was supposed to be mad at him.

I feebly struggled against his hold, trying to resist the urge to bury my face into his strong chest and inhale his comforting scent. He finally stopped and put my back on my feel, letting me pull away.

"Leave me alone," I whispered as I leaned my weight against the opposite wall and turned my face away. I expected him to leave — his need to help others probably was what made him stop — and was surprised when I didn't hear receding footsteps.

"Bella, can't you at least tell me what I did wrong so I can hate myself properly for hurting you?" Edward sighed softly. I frowned slightly, still avoiding his gaze. Might as well humor him, eh?

"Your mom's a psychiatrist," I admitted, closing my eyes to ward off his guilty expression that I knew was coming.

"Yeah. So?" He sounded genuinely confused.

"You were just using me as an experiment," I whispered, the words of my unworthiness hurting too much to be spoken any louder.

There was a brief pause before warm arms collected me. My mind told me to push him away, but my body wasn't listening as I relaxed into his comforting embrace instead "Oh, Bella. Who told you that?"

"Lauren," I murmured, subconsciously pressing my face into his chest so that I could inhale his sweet scent. My ribs began to throb from the twisted position my body was in, but I ignored it.

He let out a deep sigh. "Since when do you listen to her?" His voice was a mixture of amusement and skepticism.

I frowned lightly. "So it's not true?"

"Of course not!" Edward exclaimed softly, pulling away slightly to look me in the eyes. Those beautiful eyes. I didn't know how I could have been so frightened of them before. They were nothing like hers. "How could you doubt me like that?" The hurt in his tone was like a blow to my stomach.

"Because it didn't make sense why you would want to help me. Or spend time with me. The only explanation would be because... I'm just some patient," I confessed, biting my lip.

He frowned at me, letting out a soft exasperated sigh. "How about because I was interested in you from the moment I saw you? That I looked past the scars and wounds to see a beautiful girl? That even when you pushed me away, it made me want to persist more until you gave in?" Edward murmured softly, rubbing small circles on my back.

I held my breath, not wanting to believe my ears. Could I trust him?

He must have sensed my indecision because he let out a deep sigh. "Come with me," he said, stepping back and holding out a hand. I narrowed my eyes at him, unsure about where he was going with this. "Come on," he repeated. "I want to go somewhere where I can explain things properly to you. Maybe then things will make sense. And I can't very well do it here. We might get interrupted."

Biting my bottom lip, I tentatively placed my hand in his outstretched one and couldn't help the small smile that played on my lips from watching the huge grin cross his face at his little success.

"I hope you don't mind being a little late for class," Edward murmured, pulling me behind him at a slow enough pace that it was comfortable for me and my gimpy leg.

I muffled a snort at the thought, letting myself be towed. I didn't answer as we crept through the halls. He finally stopped in front of a door marked with a small metal plate that read, "Janitor's Closet." I knew all of the janitor closets were locked during the school days so that kids like ourselves wouldn't find uses for them. I raised an eyebrow at him, the corner of my mouth quirking upwards involuntarily. "The janitor's closet? What, couldn't find a broom closet to suit your needs?" I couldn't help the teasing tone. It was almost natural with him already.

He took the little jab like a man, just happy that I was talking to him without his having to urge me to. "Sorry, Hermione. I don't think you're at Hogwarts," he said lightly as he pulled out something from his pocket and started jiggling the door handle. My smile curled out wider at his reference to one of my favorite books. Argh, I was falling under his spell already. _Be strong, Bella_, I urged myself and forced my smile off my face before he turned back around to me.

He pulled the door open with ease, gesturing for me to go in. My brows rose in disbelief. "How...?"

Edward held up a bent-out paper clip, twisting it between his fingers. "Just a little something I picked up from my time in Chicago," he said offhandedly before winking at me. My breath blew out of me. So he wasn't all goody-goody, was he? He knew how to pick locks, for God's sake! But somehow that thought made him more attractive instead of the opposite. He had a bad boy touch to him.

Perhaps it wasn't the best idea to be in a limited amount of space with him, but....

I strode in, not reacting when he followed me in. He closed the door behind him to engulf us both in darkness.

We both stood there for a moment, blinking wildly to try to regain our vision.

"Oops," Edward breathed, his breath feathering out at my neck to make me shiver involuntarily.

"_'Oops_'?" I echoed.

"I forgot it was dark in here," his voice sounded, sheepishly.

I rolled my eyes though he wouldn't be able to see it in the darkness before groping above my head. A thought hit me, and I was glad for the sudden darkness to hide my blush. I hoped that I wouldn't accidentally grope _him_. My hand hit a long chain, and I triumphantly gave it a tug. There was a soft click and the room was illuminated with the light emitting from the bare lightbulb hanging above us.

I turned around to catch his surprised expression.

"I spent some time getting acquainted with the school's closets during my school year here," I told him airily, waving a hand offhandedly. It was amusing to watch his brows raise in disbelief.

We were standing a little close together, our bodies almost brushing. I had to crane my neck just to see his face. Flushing slightly, I stepped backwards deeper into the small room before gingerly setting myself down on the cold, tile floor and crossing my legs. I patted the ground, motioning for him to take a squat.

He mimicked my position to sit beside me. He sat there for a moment before shaking his head. "Nope, this isn't going to work."

I could feel the shock crossing my face at his words — _it's not going to work?_ — but before I could react properly to his hurtful words, Edward grabbed my waist and pulled me back. I let out an embarrassing squeak at the sudden movement as he scooched backwards, dragging me along, until our backs hit the wall.

I shot him a puzzled look, but he just shrugged with his arm still around my waist. "More comfortable," he stated simply. Ah, so that's what he meant. I cursed myself for always seeming to jump to conclusions. From this position, I had to lean my body towards him slightly since he refused to let go of me. Not that I was complaining or anything.

Well, considering he was getting comfortable, I might as well, too, right?

I scooted a little closer to him so that he wouldn't have to strain his arm so much to get it around me (aw, look at that, I'm looking out for him). Tucking my legs to the side he wasn't at, I let myself lean on him, using his body like a backrest. And though I hated to admit it since I was _supposed_ to be mad at him.... boy, did he make a good backrest.

He tensed up when I rested my head against his pectoral. I waited a moment for him to relax before letting my own tension escape with a sigh. His feather-light touch on my arm drew invisible patterns in the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

Though I would love to just forget everything that happened the past two days and stay in this blissful position with him, I knew that I needed some answers. "So," I broke the silence, hating the ugly sound of my voice that broke the serenity of before.

"So," he echoed softly, his fingers stilling on my arm.

I took a breath, deciding that he needed a slight push to get started. "Why are you _really_ interested in helping me?" I asked softly. "And don't give me some bullshit about 'I just saw you and _knew_' or anything like that," I added, keeping my head turned away from him. My eyes followed the lines on the floor, avoiding his.

A surprised chuckle escaped his lips at my outburst, and I couldn't stop my own soft smile at the sound.

There was another expansion of silence as I waited for him to start and he searched for a way to begin. Just when I was about to open my mouth again, he suddenly asked, "Did you know I had a brother?"

I furrowed my brow at the sudden question, a little taken aback by the change in topic. "Erm, no," I said slowly. I pursed my lips, trying to figure out why that statement sounded strange. Then it clicked. "Wait. '_Had_'?"

The tension returned to his body, dispersing into the air around us. "Had," he whispered, and I felt his cheek press against the top of my head. I suddenly felt extremely self-conscious about the condition of my hair and the way I smelt. Damn. But I didn't want to pull away either.

"Tell me about him," I said softly. I had a feeling that it was somehow connected. How so, I had no idea. But perhaps he was starting at the beginning.

"His name was Emmett," Edward began slowly. "And it's my fault that he's dead."

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**A/N:** Ah, yes, I couldn't help the little Harry Potter reference. ^.^; I am a Harry Potter fan through and through. =)

Sorry this chapter is a little short; I was going to have Edward's whole explanation in it, but then it would be extremely long. Plus, this sounded like the perfect way to end a chapter. I was in the middle of writing this chapter and came to that part and was like, "Okay. This would be a great way to end the chapter." A nice little cliffie. ^.^ Muahaha. =D

Any ideas about what's going to happen? How Edward had a part in Emmett's death?

Reviews are love!


	10. Chapter 9: The Explanation

**A/N: **Here's the next chapter! Thanks to all my readers and reviews and subscribers! You all rock! =)

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**Chapter Nine: The Explanation**

"His name was Emmett," Edward began slowly. "And it's my fault that he's dead."

At the confession, I pulled away from him slightly, shocked. _What?_ When I faced him, I saw that he had his eyes closed and jaw clenched tightly. His words should have instilled a sense of fear in me, if I had any sense of self-preservation. But I couldn't. Even besides the fact that I would be a hypocrite by doing so, he just didn't emit a frightening aura. He wouldn't hurt me.

Instead, my heart pulled for him and his pain. Acting out of impulse, I gently reached out to trace the outline of his sharp cheekbones. He instantly leaned his cheek into the palm of my hand, and I was stricken by how vulnerable he looked. He was exposing his inner self to me. _Me_.

And then his eyes opened and my heart broke even more for him. They were so saddened and guilt-filled, all intensity lost within them. They were glassed over slightly due to his unshed tears of mourning for his brother. He had the image of a lost little boy, with his wide, puppy-dog eyes and the slight pout of his lips. I wanted to erase all of his pain. I briefly contemplated how it was like I was looking into a strange mirror. Was this really what I looked like when I was reliving the memories?

But I pushed aside my own problems. Right now, this was Edward's time. And he needed me.

His eyes darted over my face, searching, searching. He seemed to find the answer to his unspoken question in my features because he lifted his arms slowly towards me in a non-threatening manner, waiting for me to approach him, like a man coaxing a frightened kitten out of the shadows. His action was not as a command, but as a request. A request that I fulfilled immediately. If he thought he was scaring me away from what he just said, he was sorely mistaken.

I crawled towards him, allowing him to pull me towards him. I would be his teddy bear if it would take away his pain. He always seemed like he was so perfect with the perfect life before. But no. There was always a chink in everyone's armor. There was more depth to this boy than I originally thought. He _had_ weaknesses. It made him more human, in my eyes. And that made him more attractive.

I was in that familiar position once more, though this time I was comforting him. With one arm wrapped around his waist and the other clasped with one of his hands, I murmured, "Go on."

Edward hugged me to his chest tightly, his free hand stroking my back as if our roles were switched, as if _he_ was the one comforting _me_. It was like he was bracing himself for the onslaught of memories.

I knew the feeling.

"Emmett was younger than me by a year. He definitely acted younger though he certainly didn't look it. He was always so full of energy, so rambunctious. He was built like a football player, you know? Big and buff. He liked to wrestle with me when we were younger." A sad-happy glaze came over his eyes as he spoke, reliving his happy memories of his brother yet saddened by the fact of his death. I kept quiet, letting him just talk.

"He was like the Golden Child. I always thought that our parents favored him over me because he was just so damn perfect." I snorted when he said this. Emmett was perfect? _Edward_ was perfect. He seemed to understand my silent train of thought. "I wasn't always like this, Bella," he said softly. "I was the troublemaker."

I frowned at the thought of a bad-boy type Edward, imagining him with slicked-back Greaser hair and a black leather jacket. Somehow, it didn't fit the image.

"But," Edward continued, "then he started to make some bad choices.

"I was only a grade above him. And by the time I was a junior, I had gone through my share of parties where booze and drugs were present.

"I never drank, Bella," he quickly added, seeing my shocked expression. "I never did drugs either. I was just there for the dancing and partying and... girls," he admitted reluctantly, eying me carefully. I kept any emotions off my face, not wanting the thought of Edward with a blonde bimbo to show on my face. He sighed, pressing his cheek into my hair.

"My excuse was that I was there to keep my other friends out of trouble. I certainly don't claim to be some sort of a saint. Far from it. But I had this superiority complex that I was better than them, that I would be stronger than them and control myself and resist, that I would be able to drive them home when they were drunk or high and keep things from going out of hand. Not to say that I didn't have my share of fun, of course. After all, girls were quite susceptible to my charms once they were high." I muffled a snort. Girls were susceptible to his charms even when they weren't high. Edward raised his brows at me but just continued. "I don't know. I was a messed up kid.

"Now Emmett had started to make some... _new_ friends in high school. He was on the football team, and I knew a lot of his teammates from the parties I went to. During his freshman year, he didn't really care for trying to fit in. He was like a free spirit. But what teenager can resist the charms of peer pressure for very long?

"I had sort of stopped my appearances at parties by the time I was a junior. I guess I thought they were below me and could find my own things to do. But then I heard rumors of Emmett, my innocent, naive younger brother, and his wild antics while he was high. That just about broke me. After all, how could I not have noticed that my little bro was making these choices? I was his older brother. I should have been there to stop him.

"Anyways, there was the usual party coming up, and I knew that Emmett would be there this time. So I went.

"And, just as the rumors had said, I saw him there. I almost didn't even recognize him. That wasn't my brother. That _couldn't_ be my brother. But it _was_. And that just hurt all the more to see him acting like such an idiot, the butt of everyone's jokes yet so unaware of it in his high.

"I overreacted. I had hoped that the rumors were false since there were so many things people liked to say that weren't true, just because it was something fun to spread. And seeing the rumors confirmed made me lose my mind a little bit.

"I grabbed him and dragged him over to a secluded corner. He must have been really out of it because he just let me take him when he was twice as big and twice as strong as me. He could have easily pulled away, but he didn't. And that worried me more because he never did anything I told him to do.

"I... said some things. Things I would take back in an instant. Things that I am ashamed of. Things that —" Edward's voice cracked, each word softer and more pain-filled than the last. "I —" he tried to start again, but again he broke off, his jaw clenching tightly. I could see his Adam's apple bobbing as he dry-swallowed, the muscles in his jaw working itself. His hand pulled away from mine to rub his face furiously yet tiredly. He pinched the bridge of his nose, tipping his face away from mine. But I still caught the hint of wetness in his eyes, of tears that refused to fall.

I couldn't bare to see his pain. I shuffled off of his lap, a little struck that he barely reacted to my pulling away. He just leaned forward slightly to bury his face in his hands. But I was just repositioning myself behind him to tentatively feather my hands over his tense shoulders.

At my touch, he seemed to stop breathing for a moment. I grew bolder, applying more pressure with my hands, the pads of my fingers, and my knuckles. I kneaded his tense muscles, willing them to loosen and relax. This was just something my dad used to do for my mom whenever she was stressed out about something.

He remained in the same position, but I noticed the more relaxed position his body was in now. I still couldn't see his face to gage his reaction, but I did feel a little smug. _Oh yeah, I have magic fingers_. Still running my fingers over his shoulders and upper back — and desperately resisting the urge to trail my hands _downwards_ —, I leaned towards him so that my body barely brushed over his back. Edward tensed up again when he felt my breath against his ear, my lips tickling the edges of his lobe.

"Talk to me," I breathed, such a simple command. My heart beat erratically as I lingered there for a moment, savoring the sweet scent of his shampoo in his hair that complemented his masculine cologne so perfectly.

A shudder trembled through his body at my words, his breathing growing shallower. Now leaning completely into him, my chin rested on his frozen shoulder, my hands massaging his arms up and down.

"Jesus," he exhaled, letting himself give in to my masseuse skills. I had my head turned slightly towards him so that I could trace the outline of his defined chin and shark cheekbones. So it surprised me when, instead of admiring his profile, I was suddenly staring into a pair of smoldering, emerald eyes. I sucked in a breath, too aware of how close our faces and bodies were. I had to cross my eyes slightly to even _see_ him clearly.

His eyes darted down to my parted lips, his tongue peeking out nervously between his lips. Damn. I took that as my cue to lift my head back up, smiling apologetically at him. But I had to chuckle softly at the slight playful pout of his lips at the rejection. He was so good-humored about it.

"I want to hear the whole story first," I explained not wanting him to take offense at my action. "Plus, I have a feeling that we would never get back to it if we, you know." I blushed, faltering at my attempt to joke. "Not that you're obligated to tell me or anything," I added hastily. "After all, it's none of my business." I clamped my mouth shut, cursing me and my need for word-vomit. _Shut up_.

Fortunately, he was just grinning at me, mirth in his eyes. "You're silly," he breathed huskily, and my breath caught just at the sound of his voice. A thick silence returned as we just regarded each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.

Boldly, I crawled back to his side, just leaning against him. I revelled in the feeling of his arms snaking around me to hold me tight. I loved that feeling that he would never let me go.

Was I coming to accept that I was attracted to him? Maybe. But I already knew that, in a way. I just didn't think he felt the same way and wanted to save myself from the rejection. Which came back to the whole reason for this thing.

"We fought," Edward said simply, starting off again as if he never stopped. "Th... things were said. Tempers flared. And I stormed away and out of the house. I think I lost all rational thought then. At that moment, I didn't care what shit my brother got into. It was his mess now, and I didn't want to deal with it anymore. I had my own life to live, I thought. If he wanted to keep fucking himself like that, I didn't care at that time. I could blame it on my anger that smothered my rationality. But that doesn't make what I did any better."

I could feel the tension return to his body. He was internally beating himself up, like I did so many times a day. Frowning slightly with the need to comfort him, I subconsciously reached for one of his hands, holding it between mine to support him as he retold his story to me. His fingers curled around mine in gratefulness before he continued.

"I should have stayed and calmed down, maybe waited for his high and anger to dissipate before approaching him again. I should have taken him home, drove him home, and took care of him. I didn't think about how he would get home though. I just busted out of there." He exhaled, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the wall. His voice came softer now. "As it turned out, Emmett tried to drive himself home. I don't know how many different kinds of drugs he injected into his body. I don't know how many cans of beer he had. A lot more than the normal man can handle, I know. He was a big guy, so it took a lot to affect him.

"Considering how high and drunk he was, I'm surprised that he even made it into his car without falling unconscious. As it turns out, he was nearly home when he swerved into the opposite lane and hit another car head on."

I sucked in a shaky breath at his words. His body shook with unshed tears, teeth gritted to restrain himself. I lifted up the hand clasped in mine to my lips, pressing a soft kiss to the palm. His thumb stroked my cheek like an impulse, seeming to get some strength by the contact.

"It didn't kill him. He was injured, of course, but nothing too major. He survived the accident," Edward said. I pursed my lips in confusion. Didn't he say he died? But from the lack of the note of finality in his voice, I realized there was more to this story than Emmett getting into a drunk driving accident.

"Emmett drove a huge green Hummer. The other girl's Honda Civic was no match for the big green monster. She was killed almost on impact." He paused, gauging my reaction. I didn't realize I was holding my breath, and let it out in a big _whoosh_. Grimacing slightly, Edward spoke even softer as if to lessen the impact.

"It was a horrible night. We got a phone call in the early morning, telling us that Emmett was in the hospital and would soon be arrested for DUI and manslaughter. But the police couldn't book him yet because of the extent of his injuries. A police officer had already visited him once he woke up and told him his rights and all. When we got there, he was in shock of what he had done. I don't think he really knew what he was doing or considered what could be the consequences of his actions. He was still a little naive like that. He looked like such a lost puppy, so consumed with guilt and horror, that I felt even guiltier than before."

Seeing my confused expression, he quickly explained. "It was my fault, you see. I should have stayed at the party and taken care of him like I have done for my friends so many times before. What kind of a big brother was I, to let him just roam free because of a spat we had?" He sounded choked up again. He tugged at his hand to release it from my grasp so that he could pinch the bridge of his nose once more, trying to ward off the tears.

"Oh," I breathed, understanding his train of thought but not believing him. "Come here." I pulled him to me, and he immediately wrapped his arms around my waist. I cradled his head against my bosom, shushing him softly. "It's not your fault that he killed that girl. That was his decision, not yours."

He pulled away from me, eyes lost and hollow. "There's more. I told you that it was my fault that he died. Well, the very next day, we came to visit him in the hospital to see him being rushed to the E.R. with blood gushing from his wrists." I gasped, my hands flying to my mouth. His jaw was hard now, eyes clenched tight to avoid my horrified gaze. "I don't know where he got the knife. I don't know how he knew to cut vertically along his wrists to follow the veins instead of horizontally to cause more harm. I don't know _why_ they hell he thought it would make things better by killing himself. It wouldn't bring the girl back.

"I tried blaming the hospital administration for not watching him closer. I tried blaming my parents for not noticing that their Golden Child was not so golden after all. But I knew the blame rested with me. It was my _job_ to look out for my little brother, as naive as he may be. I couldn't help but think every night that I should have stopped him, maybe been a better role model for him. I should have made sure that he knew that it wasn't his fault, that things would get better, that he still had our love and support, so that he wouldn't have... killed himself. And most of all, I shouldn't have left him alone at that party that night."

He finally opened his eyes to take in the sight of me frozen in my spot. He pulled a forced smile on his face so that it came out more like a grimace. "I guess that was the deeper motivation for me in helping you. That's what first caused me to try and befriend you. I guess I didn't want another Emmett situation on my hands. I didn't want you to lose hope and..." he trailed off, the implication clear. "I know it's not the same situation, but... I guess I felt like if I helped you, Emmett would quit haunting me in my dreams."

I swallowed, my throat feeling dry. It was hard to comprehend all of this. "Edward... first of all, thank you for confiding in me." He smiled softly at me, even through his inner torment. How strong was he to be able to hold up this mask all the time I was hurting when he was hurting just as much inside? I was so selfish not to notice and only care about my stupid problems. "And second... quit blaming yourself, you dumbfuck." That statement drew his grin wider at my choice of words. "If you really expect me to stop blaming myself for _her_ death, you need to stop blaming yourself for _his_. At least you weren't in the same damn car as him when it happened."

He smirked at me though his eyes still held the sadness. "Are we really going to go through the whole 'my horse is bigger than your horse' deal? Though I suppose it's more of 'my _guilt_ is bigger than yours'..."

I laughed, flushing a little. I didn't mean for it to sound like that. But as I opened my mouth to apologize, he just pulled me in for a hug. "You know," he murmured into my hair, "I never told anyone that before." I felt a little smug at those words. _Me_, not Lauren or any of those other girls. I was the one trusted with this knowledge. "I think that was why my parents moved us here. They wanted a change from everything that reminded them of him. So hello, desert. Goodbye, snow. I think it was also for my sake. I wasn't coping very well with everything, even a year afterwards. I think they thought that moving would let me get a new start on things, let me be whoever I wanted instead of a grieving brother. Nobody here knows my background, and I'm glad for that."

"Because you don't have to deal with all the pity stares," I added softly, and he flinched.

"I didn't mean it like that," he said quickly. But I cut across him.

"No, I understand. I would feel the same way." How many times have I wished that nobody knew about the accident so that I could just escape from it all?

"You know," I said lightly and nonchalantly, "as much as I hate the situation that did it, I'm glad you moved here."

Edward held me tighter and whispered into my hair, "Me, too."

I paused for a moment, a thought coming to me. I tried not to sound too accusatory when I asked him, "So... the reason you're hanging out with me is because you feel guilty about not being there for your brother?"

"Bella," he exhaled exasperatedly. "That may have been how it started, but that's not true anymore. Sure, I want to help you still. But now it's because of a different reason. You've sort of cast a spell on me. I _want_ to be around you now."

I felt myself give in to his words. I couldn't detect a lie tangled within his voice, and he just sounded so broken anyways. He wasn't that good of an actor.

Oh wait.

I was supposed to be mad at him.

Pursing my lips, I built up my protective wall around my heart again. I didn't doubt his story's validity. But there were a couple things that still didn't make sense. After all, disregarding the fact that I had pushed him away, he had basically left me yesterday. If he was so persistent in helping me, he wouldn't have done that. I felt my wariness return.

My skepticism must have shown on my scarred face or in my posture because he quirked up an eyebrow, watching me carefully. "What? Don't you believe that I would want to help you?"

I scoffed. "You seemed to give up pretty easily yesterday."

Edward chuckled. "You thought I was giving up?" He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, trailing his fingers lightly over the curve of my cheek. "I thought that maybe if I gave you some time, you would forgive me enough to talk to me again." He lifted his shoulders in a lost shrug. "I don't know."

I teased my bottom lip nervously, still struggling to maintain my cool and anger at him. But I couldn't. Why was I mad again? I suddenly felt so foolish for listening to Lauren in the first place.

With a defeated sigh, I finally let my wall come crashing down. What an idiot I was. I snuggled closer in his embrace, pressing my cheek against his hard chest. "I thought you were leaving me for good," I admitted. "I didn't like it. It does help when you're nearby."

"Good. Because I'm going to be around for a while," he said firmly before placing a small kiss on my head to send shivers down my back. "Come on. Let's get to class."

I gave him a pleading look, not wanting to go back into the world, but he just chuckled at my expression. "What kind of a tutor would I be if I let my tutee skip class? I think we missed most of this hour anyways, and one class is bad enough."

Grumbling, I allowed him to pull me to my feet, shooting him a glare when he chuckled again. On our way back to the classroom, we walked side by side, a comfortablt silence between us. Before we faced the wrath of the teacher for missing so much of the hour, Edward pulled me into a hug.

"I lo —," he stopped himself, shaking his head like a dog ridding his ears of water. I pulled away from him, giving him a quizzical look. He smiled apologetically at me. "I, um, lost my pencil. Do you have one I could borrow?"

Raising an eyebrow at him, I handed him one.

"Thanks," he muttered, brushing a kiss to the top of my head. "Come on."

Things were basically back to normal for the rest of the day — if there was a normal — except for the fact that Lauren and the other girls avoided us as much as possible. But, hey, I wasn't complaining. Edward managed to pull a story out of his butt about where we were for the past hour, a story that the teacher accepted whole-heartedly. That boy had some serious charms.

When Edward brought up the topic of the trumpet challenge while we were walking to band, I gave him a sheepish laugh.

"Um, yeah. I'm going to lose," I stated. Before he could argue, I continued. "I haven't practiced since Sunday," I confessed.

He eyed me carefully then nodded, seeming to accept my response. "Oh, well. We can try again later after we practice some more," he just replied. I liked the sound of that — both the 'we' part and the 'later' part; it meant that he would be around for a while.

After school, Edward followed me in his sleek ride to my house for a tutoring session; our English teacher informed the class that we will be having a test the following Monday. Afterwards, Edward forced me to practice my trumpet with him, bribing me with a kiss. I gave in, of course.

I had to admit that things were a lot better since Edward returned into my life. I was actually smiling and laughing for the first time in two days. He was like my source of happiness; without him, my life would be bleak and painful. Renee actually noticed my improved mood when I greeted her as she walked through the door after work. Though that may have been the result of Edward's whispered promise that he would be back later tonight. When I told Renee this, she merely gave me a quick look before nodding. I had a feeling she wouldn't say anything against me having a 'friend' over, even if he was a male.

"I have to go back to the office in a little bit and won't be back until late tonight," she informed me over dinner. I didn't react, as this was usual. However, my heart did skip a beat at the knowledge that I would have Edward to myself _alone_ in my house. Renee eyed me, and I tried to give my mom an innocent look. "Just be safe," she sighed before she cleared the table to get ready to go back to work.

I blushed, escaping to my room while her back was turned. I came back downstairs when I heard the front door close behind her.

Plopping myself on the couch, I turned on the television, not really watching it but listening. I must have dozed off because a loud rap to the door jerked me from my light slumber. Cursing under my breath, I checked the time. Ah hour had lapsed since I sat myself down on the couch. I sat up, trying to blink away the sleep from my eyes. And then jumped to my feet when the knocking started up again.

_Edward_.

Smiling, I made my way to the front door, shouting, "Hold your horses, I'm coming." The pounding on the door was relentless now. Was Edward really that anxious to see me again?

Reaching the front door, I wrenched it open, smiling, words of teasing already half formed in my mouth.

Then I felt myself flying backwards, stumbling over my feet from being shoved. My back rammed into the opposite wall, my head smashing into it. Stars burst in my vision as I slid to the ground, groaning. I vaguely noticed a form stepping up to me, tall and towering.

"You bitch," a familiar voice snarled, a drunken tinge noticeable in the tone. Then I blinked and saw something come flying towards my head once more. I groggily closed my eyes, bewildered and bracing for the impact.

* * *

**A/N: **So? What are your thoughts about Edward's story about Emmett?

And what about her visitor late at night? Any guesses at who it is?

Please leave a review, loves! Thanks!


	11. Chapter 10: The Fight

**A/N:** Hey guys! Sorry for the super long (and unannounced) hiatus. But I'm back for now. :) Thanks to those who have still stuck around after so long! (Rereading or skimming over the past chapters might be a good idea; even I forgot some parts, haha)

* * *

**Chapter Nine: The Fight**

"You bitch," a familiar voice snarled, a drunken tinge noticeable in the tone. Then I blinked and saw something come flying towards my head once more. I groggily closed my eyes, bewildered and bracing for impact.

I heard a deafening pound directly to the left of my ear, and I automatically flinched from the noise and the close proximity. I could feel the wind from the motion brush against my cheek. Dust tickled my nose as the intruder swore loudly, yanking his fist back. I blearily opened my eyes and saw out of my peripheral vision that the wall beside my head now sported a hole in the shape of a fist. Plaster and dust clouded around the area of impact. I watched, stunned, as Jasper cradled his bloodied hand to his chest, swaying slightly on the spot. I couldn't believe it was him. He was drunk, that much was obvious. The stench of alcohol was like a cloud around him, even through my hazy brain; plus, his bloodshot, unfocused eyes were another indicator.

Before I could register anything more than that, I noticed that the reason I could take note of his eyes was that he was staring directly at me. Actually, it was more of glaring. Like a predator stalking his prey. I tried to scramble backwards, my panic overtaking the pain of my head - he looked like he wanted to _kill_ me - but, alas, I was already pressed up against the wall. Cornered.

He lunged for me, snarling, and with a squeak, I threw myself to the side so that he merely collided with the wall. I silently thanked the lords for making a lack of hand-eye coordination one of the drawbacks of being drunk as I fucking ran for my life.

And, of course, only I, the ultimate klutz extraordinaire, would trip over my own clumsy feet to be sent sprawling across the floor. Panic rose up in me quickly, and I finally found the voice to let out a scream. However, it was cut short by a gasp of pain when Jasper grabbed my hair and yanked my head back. I felt a few hairs depart from my scalp. Thrashing against him - which was, in all truthfulness, a useless attempt; even drunk, Jasper was too strong for me - I filled my lungs to scream again, but he yanked at my hair again so that all that came out was a pathetic whimper from the pain. My brain was trying to shut down from the pain. I could hear the ghost of sirens, of metal screeching, and of human screams. My eyes slid shut.

I thought it would be the end when I was suddenly released. Crumpling to the ground, I lifted my head up in time to see a furious form pinning Jasper against the wall, his forearm pressed up against his esophagus horizontally while his other fist buried itself into Jasper's stomach. The green eyes were void of the compassion and the twinkle of mirth I was so used to; instead, they were dark with fury and bloodlust. I recoiled from the frightening sight of him instinctively.

Jasper somehow managed to drive his knee upwards, and I flinched for Edward even though he jumped back slightly to avoid most of the blow to his crotch. However, that loosened his defenses and gave Jasper the opportunity to land a blow to Edward's stomach. He doubled over, curses leaving his mouth.

"Stop it! Stop it!" I cried out, uncertainty tinting my tone as I scrambled to my feet. Both boys paid no attention to me. With a growl, Edward launched himself at Jasper so that they both fell into a tumble to the ground, still scuffling with each other. I flapped my hands helplessly, dancing from side to side. If they kept this up, one of them would end up dead.

Grabbing the first thing I could get my hands on - which just so happened to be a glass of water I left unattended earlier - I rushed towards them and threw the water on them both. Sputtering, they froze in mid punch before turning up to look at me.

"Did you really just throw water on us?" Edward asked bewilderedly, the water beading down his smooth neck to disappear down his shirt.

My cheeks grew warm, but I snapped back at him, "It got you to stop, didn't it?"

As soon as the harsh words left my mouth, I softened towards him; after all, he did save my life from a crazy ex-best friend. Speaking of...

I glanced down at him, tense and worried, ready to make a run for it if he tried to attack me again. A part of me was shocked at the fact that I was the apparent target to his drunken rage, but another part of me understood, especially when he began to sob on the floor, curled up under Edward's form.

"Dead, dead," he sobbed, all the fight having left him. "Why did you let her die? She was with you last... you got to see her last... dead, dead, dead..."

Edward got up off of him gingerly, looking completely bewildered at the sudden change in mood. I could see that he half wanted to continue pummeling him, but the honorable side of him refused to allow him to hit a man while he's down and vulnerable like that. Hell, even _I_ felt pity for him, even though my throbbing head and body screamed at me to toss him out and call the police. Sure, it probably wasn't the _best_ idea for him to come and attack me, but the rational part of me saw his side. After all, I couldn't ignore that a part of me sided with him. It was my fault that she was dead. I took her from him, and he was hurting because of it. I probably would've done a lot worse to him if he was in my position.

Edward looked at me hesitatingly as he stood over Jasper's curled up form, his uncertainly clear on his features. He didn't know what to do either. Making a decision, I shuffled over to them. Edward tensed up as I approached, a warning in his eyes. He moved to stop my progress, but I shook my head minutely, resting a hand on his chest as I passed. His hand captured mine when I tried to pull away, and he laced our fingers together before kneeling down with me. I shot him a look as he untangled our fingers to curl his arm around my waist. He merely lifted his shoulders, turning his hard gaze onto the sobbing mass before us. _Overprotective bastard_, I thought fondly.

"Jasper," I whispered, reaching out to pat his shoulder. When Edward reached out to stop me, I merely swatted his hand away before resting my palm gently on his shaking arm. His muttering stopped, yet his hands kept tugging at his blonde hair as if to tear them from their roots. He looked up at me, his eyes red and bloodshot. There was no anger in his eyes anymore. Only sadness.

"Why, Bella?" he whispered as he shuffled to sit up, his knees curled up against his chest. He hiccupped softly as he buried his face into his arms. "Why?"

My throat caught. Why did she die? I don't know. My heart twisted, feeling like a million pinpricks were stabbing into my chest. "I don't know, Jazz. It should've been me who died. Not her." As I voiced my thoughts, I felt the arm around my waist tighten. Rolling my eyes, I waited for Edward to refute me.

"No, Bella." I furrowed my brow; it wasn't Edward who said those words, but _Jasper_. "I mean, why did you push me away? We're best friends. And..." Jasper drew off, clutching at his hair once more. "I needed you. My best friend. But you acted like you hated me. It was like I lost my two closest friends in one swoop. I..." He swallowed loudly, unable to continue as tears swelled in his throat.

Guilt rose in my chest. He really did have reason to hate me. He was hurting, too. Of course he was hurting. She was his girlfriend, my _best friend_, and I pushed him away like he was nothing. All because of my own selfish reasons. All because I couldn't stand to face him, because he reminded me of her too much. Because I was a fucking coward. "Oh, God, Jasper..." I groaned apologetically. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have... It just hurt too much and..." I didn't know how to continue. My excuses were pathetic. I scooched closer to him, out of Edward's protesting arms. Running my fingers through his hair, I urged him to face me.

Scrutinizing him, I let out a sigh. "Why do you do this to yourself?" I changed the topic shamelessly. "Drinking? Really, Jasper?"

He shrugged. "It makes me forget," he said simply, hiccupping slightly. That sobered my up quickly. I couldn't argue with that. I looked down at the ground, downcast. He drew in a sharp breath, and I looked up. "God, Bella." He appeared as if he was in pain as his eyes roamed over my features. I cringed away, but his next words stopped me. "I am so fucking sorry I hit you. Inexcusable. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God," he chanted, looking so remorseful that I couldn't help but forgive him.

"You're drunk. And you have a right to be angry with me. It's okay. Plus, you didn't really hit me. You missed," I tried to joke, motioning towards the wall where the shape of his fist was prominent. Edward let out a sharp breath, and I realized that he missed that part.

"Oh, Bella," Jasper groaned, his pale blue eyes taking in the destruction. "I-"

"Zzp," I sounded, covering his mouth with my hand. "How about we call it even?" I unsteadily lifted myself onto my feet and extended a hand towards him. "Friends?"

He appraised my hand for a moment before grasping it. Standing up, he repeated, "Friends." He hesitated for a moment before tugging on my arm gently so that the gap between our bodies disappeared. I returned the hug, resting my cheek against his chest and basking in the familiarity of it. I got my best friend back (disregarding the fact that it was my fault that I lost him in the first place). I heard Edward shuffling uncomfortably behind me, so I relaxed my grip around Jasper and felt him do the same. He smiled a watery smile at me, one that I returned automatically.

"I missed you," I admitted, touching his cheek gently before stepping back into Edward's arms.

"Yeah. Me too," he replied softly, his blonde hair falling into his eyes.

Biting on my bottom lip, I asked, "Are either of you hurt? I, uh, mean, after all, you two were giving each other a hell of a beating."

Edward snorted behind me, resting his cheek on the top of my head. "Nothing I can't handle. I'm kind of glad you weren't aiming for my face though." I turned my head to cock an eyebrow at him and his vanity. "Easier to hide injuries that aren't on the face," he explained, amused. _Ah_.

I turned back to Jasper. "And you?"

He shook his head. "'M fine. Glad none of your blows landed on my face either. Anyways, I'll be on my way. Sorry again, Bells."

"It's fine, Jazz. No harm, no foul," I comforted.

"Yeah, really, are _you_ hurt?" Edward asked, looking at me at arm's length.

I laughed. "Nothing people will notice. They probably wouldn't notice a new injury from an old one."

Edward frowned but didn't say anything. Instead, he extended a hand out towards Jasper. "Sorry for beating you up, man. It's just-"

"You were protecting Bella," he interrupted. "It's okay. I'm glad you showed up in time to pull me off of her. God knows I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I hurt her." He shook Edward's hand benignly. Kissing my cheek lightly, he nodded towards us before departing, shutting the door behind him. There was a beat of silence, the house feeling strangely empty now that the sounds of the night were blocked out.

"Do you think he'll get home safe?" Edward asked softly into my ear.

"I think so. He doesn't live too far from here," I answered softly, leaning back into him. I noticed when he flinched, and I pulled back. I gazed at him accusingly as he looked bashful. "I thought you said you weren't injured."

"No, I just said it was nothing I couldn't handle," he replied. "And it isn't."

I frowned, taking a step back. "Lift up your shirt," I told him, my eyes trained on his chest.

He chuckled. "You know, if you wanted me to strip, all you had to do was ask," he said cockily as he tugged on the hem of his shirt.

I blushed furiously, realizing how my words sounded. But before I could retort back, he had peeling his shirt off, wincing slightly from the movements. I gasped, half out of appreciation of his body, but also because of the ugly bruises that were beginning to form on his body.

"Oh, Edward," I breathed as I stepped forward. He had taken this beating for me. For _me_.

I reached out and lightly traced on of the bruises that was forming on his left abdomen. His muscles contracted at the freezing temperature of my skin and he exhaled sharply. His skin was so warm. The rush of affection for this boy in front of me was overwhelming. I couldn't believe he would rush into the line of fire for me. They way he looked when he jumped Jasper, the look in his eyes, it was scary and fuckhot at the same time. I was really having a hard time denying my feelings for this amazing creature in front of me. How did I ever deserve him?

"Bella," he growled lowly, his hand wrapping around my wrist to still my motions. I blushed, realizing that while I was in my thoughts, my fingers had begun to trace the contours of his abdominal muscles, admiring the smoothness of his skin. His chest was relatively hairless, though a nice smattering of hair swirled around his belly button and dipped down past the hem of his low-slung jeans. My hands splayed against his chest as he tugged me closer, the heated look in his eyes melting me.

"You're hurt," I breathed mindlessly, my pulse picking up erratically.

"It's just a bruise," he whispered back. "It's nothing to worry about." He paused for a moment before trailing his hands up my arms to cup my cheeks. "You, on the other hand..." His fingers moved to the back of my head and began massaging gently.

"Hmm," I hummed in content as my eyes slid shut, allowing my head to fall back slightly. The throbbing from hitting my head against the wall and from Jasper's tugging of my hair began to lessen at his expert touch. I flinched when he pressed at a particularly sensitive spot, where my head hit contact with the wall. There would probably be a nice lump there come morning.

"God, Bella," he muttered. "What if I hadn't gotten there in time? You scared me so much. I had just gotten out of the car when I noticed that your front door was open. And then I heard you scream." His throat caught for a moment as he lightly traced the outline of my forming bump on my head. "I ran inside and saw him hurting you, and I just went ballistic. I would've killed him if you hadn't stopped me. I couldn't see anything other than his face and how much I wanted to hurt him for hurting you," he admitted. "God," he shook his head in disgust.

I opened my eyes and he looked so distraught that my heart ached for him. My hands moved up his chest to cradle his face, and he leaned his cheek against my palm with his eyes closed. "I'm fine," I assured him. "Stop freaking out, my knight in shining armor." I caught the twitch of his lips as his eyes opened and felt victorious. The pain in my head was definitely dissipating now and was being replaced by sexual attraction. The air sizzled between us, and I became _very_ aware of his shirtless status.

"Renee's not coming home for a while," I breathed and then mentally smacked myself for saying that. Stupid mouth-filter.

The corners of his lips lifted as he hummed. "Mhmm. So now that the knight has rescued the distressing maiden, does he get his reward?" he asked in mirth, playing along with my previous statement. I felt my cheeks grow warm as I pretended to analyze his question.

"How about a kiss from the fair maiden?" I offered softly, chewing on my lip nervously. The things this boy was doing to my nerves.

"I'll take it," he breathed. He angled his head downwards, but instead of kissing me, he ran his nose along my collarbone.

"Wh-what are you doing?" I stuttered, my eyes rolling back as he began to nibble on my skin.

"I'm savoring what I have," he answered confidently. I felt my knees starting to buckle, but he moved us so that our positions switched and pressed me up against the wall. I merely hummed in approval, not really having a problem with that. Placing open-mouthed kissed around my neck, his hot breath warmed up my skin extensively. He exhaled, and his warm breath tickled the crevice between my breasts, making me shudder. "Cold?" he murmured against my skin, the vibrations of his words tickling my sensitive skin. I merely shook my head, gripping the roots of his hair tightly, urging him on.

When he moved up to my jaw, I turned my head slightly to give him more access. He merely brushed his lips against my cheek until they met the corner of my mouth, and he placed a kiss there. I whimpered pathetically when he removed his lips from mine - that couldn't even be called a kiss! - but quieted when he brushed his lips against mine. I sighed in satisfaction, and he took the chance to press his lips against mine harder and slip his tongue into my mouth. _Mmm. Now this is a kiss_.

I tugged at his hair, and he let out a soft groan. He took a step forward so that any space between us was gone. One of his hands trailed down my side, raising goosebumps on my skin as he went, until he reached my leg. He hitched it up and pressed closer to my heated core. I ran one of my hands down to his chest and brushed my thumb over his manly nipple. He groaned again, pressing his hardness harder into me. I admired his body more fully as I began to trace the contours of his muscles, moving my hand to his back, loving the feel of his heated skin against my palm and through my shirt.

He finally pulled away, panting heavily and eyes dark. "We should start with the whole tutoring thing soon," he murmured as he nuzzled my neck, blowing a cool breath over my overheated skin. I shivered, admiring his self-control when mine were already torn to shreads, but I obliged. Detangling myself from his body, I led him towards my kitchen, scheming other ways to get those lips back on mine.

* * *

The next day, I actually dressed somewhat nicely for school and brushed my hair. I was in a good mood today.

When I walked in through the front doors, I didn't attract as much attention as before; perhaps that was because I held myself differently and almost blended in with the crowd. When I saw Jasper, I didn't turn my head away this time but approached him instead. I noticed that Rose was with him, but when she caught my eye, she didn't glare at me. Instead, an apologetic look went into her eyes and she smiled a little at me. Huh. She must've found out about Jasper's little visit last night.

"Hey, Jazz, Rose," I greeted awkwardly, but my awkwardness disappeared quickly when Jasper turned around, saw me, and engulfed me in a happy hug.

"Bella," he sighed, giving me one last squeeze before releasing me. "Hi."

"Hi Bella," Rose greeted me quietly.

I smiled at them both, talking to them about whatever, feeling almost like everything was back to normal. I spotted my basketball friend, Angela, and remembered how she tried to help me that day Lauren and her cronies attacked me. Saying goodbye to Jazz and Rose and promising to sit with them at lunch, I limped over to Angela with a smile on my face.

"Hey Angela," I greeted cheerfully. Wow, what had gotten over me?

"Oh, hey Bella," Angela replied back, slightly taken aback.

"How's basketball?" I asked with genuine interest and she still looked somewhat shocked that I was talking to her normally for once.

"Oh. Good. We've won all our games so far," she stated proudly.

"That's great!" I exclaimed. "Congrats!"

"Thanks," Angela said happily. "Hey, are you going to the dance this Saturday?"

Oh, yeah, there was a dance. I wondered if Edward still wanted to take me. "Maybe."

"Cool. Maybe Ben and I will see you there," Angela said with actual delight.

Oh, I didn't know that Angela and Ben were together now. How had I missed that? I felt a twang of guilt for being so self-absorbed and out of it the past few months to forget about my other friends. At her amicable grin, I smiled at her—did I regain a friend?—as I waved and walked away. First Jasper, and now Angela. I could get used to this. I didn't make it very far before I bumped into Edward.

"Hey you," he greeted.

"Hey you," I echoed, leaning up to kiss him lightly on the cheek.

"Was that Angela I saw you talking to?" Edward mentioned slyly as we made our way to class.

"Yeah, it was. I might meet her at the dance," I said, wondering what his response to the dance part would be.

"Cool," he just said simply. "Angela is a nice girl." I took that to mean an affirmative.

Suddenly feeling an overwhelming amount of happiness, I lifted myself onto my tiptoes to press another kiss to his cheek in gratitude. "Thank you," I whispered, not exactly sure what it was in reference to. How about everything?

The corner of his lips crooked upwards mischievously; as I pulled back, he slid a hand up to the back of my neck to hold me in place. The intense look in his eyes burned a hole into my soul as he turned his head and captured my lips for a kiss, watching me the whole time. He nibbled on my bottom lip lightly, and my eyes just about rolled to the back of my head. Sliding his thigh between my legs, he nudged me backwards until I could brace myself against the row of lockers. When his warm tongue slid between my lips, I lost it. Fuck this all. I shamelessly rubbed myself against his leg, clutching at the front of his shirt helplessly. I was about to drag him to a janitor's closet and have my way with him - or just rip his clothes off then and there - when Edward's head jerked forward slightly.

"PDA," a teacher called out in a bored voice as he passed. I suspected the rolled up magazine in his right hand of having just hit the back of Edward's head moments before. The mood broken, he pulled back, grinning slightly. He brushed his lips against mine softly once more before straightening up and reaching out for my hand.

I took the offer, keeping my eyes down, a blush rising up on my cheeks from the position I was in moments before. Was I really that guy-crazy that I would come that close to fucking someone I barely knew in the middle of a high school hallway. God, I was pathetic.

_Pathetically in love._

I pushed that thought aside, not really wanting to deal with _that_ word yet. I didn't need to give myself another reason to start panicking.

Instead, I tried to distract myself with other thoughts. I wondered what would happen today when 1:11 would roll by. Would I freeze up again like usual? Or would my rebuilt relationship with Edward deflect the memories? I soon found out.

As that time neared, Edward shot me a supportive look as he reached across the aisle to grasp my hand. I still did collapse as the nightmarish sounds and visions flashed under my lids, but it wasn't as bad as before. I could still feel Edward's warm hand in my stiff one though the haze of memories.

After school, we still had our study session followed by a little bit of trumpet-playing. Edward promised a little something different tomorrow night, but wouldn't tell me what. He just asked if my mom was going to come home late again, to which I confirmed that she would. As much as I tried to weasel the surprise out of him, he refused to relent. That stubborn boy was going to be the death of me.

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**A/N:** Please review! Thanks!


	12. Chapter 11: The Surprise

**A/N:** Thanks to all my wonderful readers! I'm trying to find better ways to get more reviews so I'm getting some feedback and know how I'm doing on this. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy! :) And I would love you forever if you left me a small message of what you think! Thanks!

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**Chapter Eleven: The Surprise**

The next day passed quickly; Edward wouldn't tell me what the little surprise was though I begged him numerous times. He would just smile mysteriously and shake his head. For most, if there was something they looked forward to, time would slow. But for me, it would speed up. Hey, I wasn't complaining. It worked for me.

Soon, the last bell of the day rang and everyone rushed out the door, excitement of the weekend in addition to the dance the following day filling the air. Chatter swirled around me, about manicures and hair styles and corsages and dress styles and dates and pre-dance plans and post-dance festivities and so much more. Even I was looking forward to it a little bit, especially if it meant hanging out with Edward for the night. Wow, such a drastic turn-around from when we first met. He had a talent for weaseling his way past the walls I've erected around my heart and mind.

"So, are you going to tell me now?" I asked Edward hopefully as we walked out the door, his fingers twined with mine.

Edward just shook his head again, saying, "You'll see." I was about to pursue the topic some more but got distracted by his thumb making soft strokes up and down the back of my hand.

"God, you're too good at this," I breathed, turning towards him when we reached the bike racks.

"Good at what?" he asked innocently, taking a step forward to trap me between his body and the building of the school behind me. I seemed to get into this position way too much lately, but I didn't mind one bit.

"Hmm?" I hummed, inhaling in his sweet scent as I ran my hands lightly down his chest, being careful of where his bruise would be under his clothes. "Oh, uh, distracting me," I answered, remember what I had said before. Chuckling, I added, "See? Exhibit A."

"Well, good. You need to be thoroughly distracted," he murmured, running his nose along my jaw line, his hot breath warming up my skin quite quickly.

"Ah," I sighed, my fingers somehow finding their place in his hair, slipping into the softness and tugging gently. He kissed my jugular, where my heart beat soundly, and where he could feel the stutter of my heart at his touch. I could feel him smirking against my skin, and I gave his hair a little tug in retaliation. "Smug bastard," I breathed, not really having much fight behind my words.

"Oh yeah, Masen! Get some pussy! A reject like her has got to be better than nothing, huh?"

Edward instantly tensed, pulling away from me to confront the douche bag who called that out, eyes blazing. My cheeks filled with blood, as per usual, but I reached out to grab his arm and stop him from pummeling the guy for saying that. Stuff like that wasn't bothering me as much, not when I had him with me. Slightly curious, I glanced around Edward's stiff form, and sighed when I saw who it was. Mike Newton and his little posse. Really, he and Lauren should hook up. They'd be perfect for each other, with their "Let's Hate on Bella" club. Jesus.

They were laughing uproariously, as if what Mike said was the funniest thing ever. Curling my lip with distaste, I allowed my hand to slip from Edward's shoulder. _Oops_, I thought innocently. He was just too strong for me to hold back. Cough. Cough.

But before Edward could reach them, their confidence in their numbers high enough that they didn't even move when he approached them, another form beat him to it. There was a loud _smack!_ and Mike's head looked like it did a full 360. He touched his cheek, shocked, as it began to redden under his fingertips. The other boys around him cowered, a few of them scattering from under Rosalie Hale-Whitlock's murderous gaze.

"You _bastard_," she hissed between her teeth, her great beauty just accentuating her fury. It helped that she beat Mike on height. "Speak to her, to them, like that again, and next time, I'll aim for your worthless balls. I'll castrate you in your _sleep_!" She spat out the last word like a curse, and with a funny noise in his throat, Mike scampered off after his friends, not even taking the time to turn around.

I closed my mouth - when had my jaw fallen open? - and watched as Rose took a deep breath through her nose before turning towards me. "You okay, Bella?" she asked, her voice softer and gentler. Her eyes were still hard with fury, but they eased up when they met mine.

"Y-yeah," I managed, still shell-shocked. "Wow, Rose. Thanks."

She merely shrugged, tossing her silky blonde hair over her shoulder. "Anytime, Bella. It's about time someone else stepped in to stick up for you. I'm sorry I didn't do it before."

I smiled back at her. "No worries. I gave you plenty of reason to dislike me, too," I added, referring to how I had treated Jasper when I first returned to school.

Jasper slunk over; I hadn't noticed him standing there before.

"Oh, hey, Jazz," I greeted, taking note of the slight frown on his lips. Before I could ask, he burst out:

"I can't believe my sister beat me to the punch! Literally!"

A surprised laugh escaped my lips at his words, gratitude warming me up from the inside.

"I didn't punch him," Rose commented, examining her nails condescendingly. "I only slapped him. He deserved so much worse though. Don't blame me for your turtle-like pace."

Jasper wrinkled his nose at her, punching her lightly on the arm. I had to laugh again at their sibling rivalry, hugging them both. I really did miss them. Well, him. I didn't really know Rose before, but it was nice to be in good graces with her.

"Oh, by the way, Bella," Rose turned towards me, "do you have any pre-dance plans yet? Because if not, you should come out to dinner with Jazz and I. There's a really nice restaurant that just opened downtown recently that I hear is getting spectacular reviews. I think Angela and Ben are joining us, too."

I grinned. "Hell yeah." I turned towards Jasper. "I'm glad you're going," I said softly, reaching for his hand. He just smiled slightly at me, giving my hand a squeeze before releasing it.

"Does that sound good, Edward?" When I didn't hear a response, I turned towards him, realizing that he hadn't spoken since before the Mike incident. "Edward?"

He finally seemed to break out of his stupor, gasping out, "Holy shit! I can't believe she beat me to him! I can't believe she _slapped_ him before I could beat the shit out of him!"

There was a beat of silence before the three of us burst into laughter, Edward looking quite affronted.

I gave him a soft peck on his cheek before teasing him, "Rose, I think you broke both of these guys' manly self-esteem!"

Jasper now joined Edward in pouting at us as Rose and I high-fived in victory. I was looking forward to tomorrow night all the more now.

* * *

Back to the surprise issue. Edward said that he had to drop by his house for a second before coming over, which made me even more curious about what this surprise was. The whole bike ride back home, I was anxious yet excited at the same time. When he finally did arrive, I almost attacked him, trying to see inside the white, plastic bags.

"Whoa, there!" he laughed as he lifted the bags up so I couldn't see inside them. "Let's do a little schoolwork and trumpet first."

With a sigh, I reluctantly did so, but my mind wasn't in it. I kept sneaking glances over to the two mysterious bags that he stashed in the corner. Damn him for thinking about double bagging them so that I couldn't even _see_ through the bags. He finally gave in an hour later.

"Okay, okay, fine. You win," Edward sighed exasperatedly as he set down his pencil. "I guess you'll just be eating a really early dinner."

It took me a moment to get what he was implying. "Wait, are you cooking me dinner?"

He winked at me roguishly as he led us towards the kitchen. "Nope. _We_ are cooking dinner You're definitely helping if you want some food."

Pleasantly surprised, I pulled him towards me so that I could place a light kiss on his lips. "You're too cute," I murmured against his mouth, my smile evident. I could tell he was smiling against my lips, too. With one last brush of our lips, he pulled back, tugging on my hand. I followed him to the kitchen, admiring how his form-fitting sweater accentuated the muscles in his back. "I didn't know you knew how to cook," I commented mindlessly, wondering how he would act if I jumped him then and there.

He turned towards me, grinning sheepishly, his thumb rubbing circles over the skin of my hand. "I don't, really. I had my mom give me a few pointers earlier and I'm just hoping you know the rest." He began to pull out the supplies: chicken breast, a box of pasta, a jar of alfredo sauce—

"Chicken alfredo?" I asked in surprise, scrutinizing the ingredients.

"Yeah," he confirmed, turning to me, a worried smile on his lips. I wanted to smooth out the crease that had formed between his brows. "Is that alright?"

Pretending to consider it, I walked towards him, pursing my lips and tapping my finger against my chin. Once I was directly in front of him, I cocked my head. He watched me worriedly, his arms automatically circling around my waist. "Hmm," I hummed, torturing him for a moment before breaking out into a smile and pecking him on the lips. "Yeah, I love chicken alfredo." He growled at me softly for attempting to fool him before he turned back to setting up. "It's fairly simple, I think."

"Good," he commented, apparently a little peeved at my joke. I wrapped my arms around him, resting my cheek against his back. I could almost feel the muscles contracting under his sweater, and I could most definitely feel his thudding heartbeat.

"Don't be mad," I whispered, running my hands across his abdomen. He let out a sigh, turning his head to kiss me on the top of my head.

"Never."

We spent the next fifteen setting everything up, seasoning and breading the chicken and letting it bake in the oven, simmering the sauce and adding a couple more spices, and setting the pasta to boil. Edward actually knew most of what he was doing, surprisingly.

He kept distracting me as I worked, a fact that I wasn't going to complain too much about. Every time I had my back to him, working on stirring the sauce or adding seasoning to the chicken or whatever, he would creep up behind me and hug me tight to his body, brushing my hair to the side to press a kiss to my bare neck. Finally, I had to scold him that dinner would never get ready if he kept that up, and he relented with a mischievous grin on his lips. That little minx.

"Okay, now what?" he asked me when we were done as he washed his hands.

"Now we wait," I replied as I ran my hands under the sink as he dried his hands. I flicked a bit of water at him in retaliation of his distracting me which led to his trapping my hands between our bodies so that he could kiss my nose.

"Good," Edward replied as he pulled away, and I didn't miss the sly tone in his voice as he disappeared into the other room. More surprises? He returned a moment later with an iPod with speakers.

"What's this?" I asked, smiling. "Mood music?"

"Not quite," he answered as it set it up. "I was hoping we could practice for tomorrow."

"Practice?" I asked in disbelief, eying the iPod warily as he hooked it up.

"Yeah." Edward turned around, grinning at me. "Dance with me," he requested as he scrolled through the menu and found a song. Clicking the play button, he repeated those three words but softer this time so that a shiver trembled down my spine. "Dance with me."

As the sounds of Snow Patrol's "Chasing Cars" filled the room, I smiled. How could I resist?

I went into his opened arms and followed along as he placed my left hand on his shoulder and took my right with his left, his right hand lightly hovering over the small of my back. To the beat of the softly playing music, Edward led me around the room in some form of a waltz. I burst out laughing half way.

"I don't think people dance like this at school dances," I said playfully as he twirled me once before catching me close to his chest.

"I know. That was just a warm up," he stated. "It was fun though, right?"

"Mhmm," I answered faintly. Edward had his arms around me now as I twined mine around his neck, resting my head against his chest. We rocked back and forth in this embrace in a more modern version of slow dancing. I sighed softly, content in his arms. He made me feel so protected, so adored. His warmth and his scent surrounded me, placing me in a haze of happiness. I could hear his heart beating under my ear. My fingers toyed with the hair on the nape of his neck. I could feel the light weight of his cheek resting against the top of my head and heard him let out a small content sigh of his own. My eyes slid shut, completely at ease.

"_All that I am; All that I ever was; Is here in your perfect eyes; They're all I can see_," he sang softly in my ear, slightly out of tune but it warmed my heart.

"You should be in choir," I murmured softly and he chuckled lightly.

The current song faded to a close and a new one started up. I tensed up three beats into it, recognizing the horrid song instantly. I moved to change the song but Edward tightened his arms around me.

"No," he muttered into my ear. "It'll be okay. It's only a song."

Holding my breath, I shut my eyes tightly as the lyrics began. I could feel the anticipation building as the words flew by.

_How many times can I break till I shatter?..._

I let out a muffled cry as the memories assaulted me, nearly collapsing. My fingers dug into the material of Edward's shirt as I heard the screeching of metal crunching metal, the beeping of car horns, and Alice's terrified screaming mixing with my own. I could taste the blood on my mouth and my head throbbing in remembrance of the impact as the second vehicle hit ours.

But it was fainter than usual. I could still feel the soft material of his sweater under my clenched fingers and his strong arms holding me up.

"You can get through this," Edward murmured soothingly into my ear. "Shh. It's okay. You're safe. I'm here. Shh."

I flinched as the lyrics repeated those nine words from hell. Edward's arms tightened around me.

As the song went on, I could tell that the presence of the accident grew fainter. I could hear the sizzling of boiling water over the chaotic sounds from that one day.

When those words reiterated once more, I still flinched. Every time they would repeat, it was like a wave of pain; coming then receding, coming and receding.

The song finally died down to an end, coinciding with the recall of the accident. Edward continued to hold me as I shook, feeling cold all of a sudden. I pulled away and let myself slid down to the tile floor, feeling the cold sweat on my face.

"Oh, Bella," Edward whispered as he joined me on the floor. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

I took in a shuddering breath before opening my eyes and smiling weakly at him. "No, thank you for that. I got through the song without anything bad happening. It made me realize how silly fearing that song was in the first place."

Edward pulled me to him and I gladly rested my head against his shoulder. "It's just a mental thing. You just have to get through it."

"You have it sound so easy," I muttered. I glanced up to see the pasta boiling over. "Come on. I think we should tend to dinner if we don't want it ruined."

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**A/N:** Nomnom. People who leave reviews get to keep Edward for a night. :) And he will even cook you dinner and slow dance with you in the kitchen and hold you tight in his warm, strong arms. Mmm. :)

The dance is next! :) Reviews make me a happy duck!


	13. Chapter 12: The Decision

**A/N: **Enjoy! :)

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**Chapter Twelve: The Decision**

"Honey! Are you ready yet? Edward's already here!" Renee called up the stairs at me.

"Tell him I'll be down in a minute!" I shouted back. I turned my attention back to the two dresses that lay flat on top of my bed.

It was six o'clock. Edward was here to take me out to dinner — refusing to tell me how we would get to the restaurant — and there was only an hour and a half left until the dance officially began. We were supposed to meet Rose, Jasper, Angela, and Ben at the restaurant in twenty minutes.

Yet I still wasn't ready.

I already had my hair done in an up-do of some sort that I made up in front of the mirror while messing around with my hair. I left a few strands loose to frame my face, curling them slightly. Considering the fact that I put enough hairspray in my hair to poke another hole in the ozone layer, hopefully my hair would stay in place. I reached up to touch a silver butterfly clip that lay perched in my hair; Renee had presented it to me. It was a clip that she wore to her prom however-many-years-ago. Really, I was touched by this act; I was so used to her being oblivious to everything about me that this completely unexpected gift was a godsend.

I ran my fingers lightly down the side of my face. I had even put on a thin layer of makeup: eye shadow, light eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss, and a tad bit of foundation to hide some of the more visible scars. Really, I looked almost pretty. My messed up eyelid wasn't as noticeable now, especially with the makeup on, and my scarred skin looked almost perfect with the help of the foundation. I could be in one of those before-and-after pictures. It was that good.

But I still wasn't dressed yet.

I glanced between the two dresses again, worrying the hell out of my lip. I'd have to reapply some more lip-gloss later, dammit.

The first was a deep, midnight blue with a sash around the middle. It would come down to about my knees and was strapless with a sweetheart neckline. The material was shimmery and silky with some sort of an overlay on it. I looked kickass in it, I'd have to admit. This was the one that Alice and I picked out three months ago.

The second was a plain black dress with pink accents; I bought this one with my mom for my freshman dance.

"Bella!" my mom called down again impatiently.

"One second!" I yelled back, desperation hinting in my tone. My eyes darted back and forth between the two dresses, the indecision killing me.

_Which one do I wear?_

_

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_

When I finally descended the stairs five minutes later, my mom gave me an exasperated sigh. But I didn't hear her. My eyes were on the handsome figure standing awkwardly in front of the door. He was fidgeting, shifting his weight from one foot to another. His fingers drummed anxiously on the top of the plastic container he was holding. I groaned inwardly; did Renee really have no manners whatsoever? I'd have to teach her that guests were supposed to be invited in and told to be made comfortable. From the looks of things, she just opened the door and let him roast there in awkwardness.

But all my thoughts of my mother disappeared from my mind when Edward paused in his movements, having heard my nearly nonexistent footsteps down the stairs barefooted. He looked up, and I couldn't help but feel as if we were fulfilling every cliché there was to a high school dance, all the way down to the grand entrance of the girl walking down the stairs with her hand lightly trailing on the banister. Yes, I watched my share of chick flicks. Don't judge.

His stunning green eyes caught sight of me and held me there. In that moment, I felt like the most beautiful girl in the world. An accident? Pfft, the scars were nonexistent in his eyes. His eyes trailed down my form once, pausing for a moment on my bare — and freshly shaven! — legs. His gaze continued downwards all the way to my bright orange toenails. Whoops. I forgot about those. So much for matching. It was a good thing that my shoes hid my toenails.

I smiled shyly at him, taking my turn to appraise him. I had to admit, he cleaned up well. And that was an understatement; he looked like sex on legs in that outfit. I subconsciously began plotting ways I could get him to dress up for me again. Even adorning a simple, traditional tux of black and white, he looked amazing. His white button-down was crisp and perfect for him. A dark blue tie was wrapped snugly around his neck, confining his Adam's apple as he swallowed. His jacket and pants held a shimmery sheen to it, its deep black so sharp that not even a speck of dust could be seen on it. The tux fit his form perfectly, as if it were cut just for him. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case. He was clean-shaven, but light stubble was already beginning to sprout on his cheeks. My fingers twitched, wanting to run them lightly down his face. It didn't look like he did anything special to his hair; or, rather, perhaps he tried and ended up giving up that fight. But even with the wildly mussed bronze hair of his, he looked like perfection. I was glad that his hair refused to be tamed.

"Wow," Edward whispered as I reached the main landing. He reached for my hand, running his thumb over it lightly to cause goosebumps to rise on my skin. I blushed furiously as he lifted my hand up, palm down, and brushed his lips over the back of my hand courteously, like a gentleman. "You look amazing," he murmured against the skin of my hand, lifting his eyes up to watch me.

I couldn't help but swoon inwardly; how did I ever deserve this amazing creature? At his compliment, I was glad that I had decided on the blue dress. It just felt right and made me feel like a princess, really. It was the first time since the accident that I wasn't too uncomfortable with showing off so much skin. Plus, Alice and I bought it together, and remembered how much she gushed about it when I stepped out of the dressing room. She said that the color flattered my skin tone and the style accentuated my form. I wore it for her memory. I shouldn't fear remembering her anymore. She was my best friend and deserved to be remembered as the wonderful person she was.

"Hey," Edward whispered, pulling me out of my sad-yet-happy thoughts. He had his fingers under my chin to lift my gaze up to meet his. "Where did you wander off to?"

My cheeks warmed again. Today was supposed to be a happy one, to be spent with Edward. I'd try not to let my depressed nature hold us down. "Nothing," I murmured, lowering my gaze. I could tell that he didn't believe me but was glad that he didn't push it. He really did understand me, maybe even more than I did.

Brushing the pad of his thumb across my cheek on more time, he removed his hand from my face to open the plastic case that he was holding. From it, he pulled out a beautiful corsage of white roses and orchids. It was accentuated by some gold pizzazz and some of the small flowers had streaks of dark blue in their petals. How strange that he seemed to match exactly to me, when I didn't even tell him what I was going to wear. Handing it gently, he motioned for me to lift my hand. I did so, an unwarranted smile tugging at the corners of my lips, as he slide the corsage on my wrist. There was a flash of light as Renee snapped a picture as he did so.

"Mom," I whined, blinking to try and rid myself of the dots that invaded my vision. I sighed, deciding not to ruin her fun for once. "Grab me the boutonnière from the refrigerator, will you?" As she went to do so, I released another sigh at finally being alone with him. I pressed my cheek against his chest, wrapping my arms around him and taking special care to not crush the corsage.

"Hi," I whispered against his jacket. I could feel his hands ghosting over my back before resting one on the back of my neck and another on the small of my back.

"Hi, love. I like this hello better," he murmured back, pulling away slightly so that he could press a light kiss to my lips.

"Mmm," I hummed lightly, lifting up on my toes for a better kiss. He evaded me, nodding towards the kitchen where Renee was rummaging through the refrigerator. I pouted, but he didn't relent. "You took the words out of my mouth earlier, by the way," I said, giving up on the kiss for now. At his cocked eyebrow, I relayed his previous words. "'Wow. You look amazing.'" I grinned at him, running a hand down the front of his jacket to admire the material. "You clean up well, Mr. Masen. Not bad," I teased playfully as I danced out of his reach. He growled playfully in return, reaching out to grab at me when my mom returned.

"Hey now, save that business for after the dance," she commented lightly as she handed me the boutonnière.

"Mom!" I gasped, spinning to a halt in my mortification. Fortunately, Edward just chuckled lightly, his eyes dancing in mirth. At least _someone_ was getting something out of my pain.

Grumbling under my breath, I pulled out the small white boutonnière, tugging out the pins that were poked through the stem. I struggled to attach the white carnation boutonnière to his jacket, my fingers fumbling. Chuckling, he had to lend me a hand to avoid being poked by the needle. "Thanks," I muttered, feeling like a bumbling ogre, not even graceful enough to pin a flower to his jacket without causing bloodshed.

"Come on. Pictures!" Renee exclaimed, heading towards the living room. I sighed in exasperation, though I was glad that she had enough tact to not try to take pictures of my fumbling fingers earlier. But it was getting hard to concentrate with Edward's hand lightly resting on the small of my back, his thumb tracing light patterns into my skin. Gah.

After a brief round of pictures by the mantle, Christmas tree, and various other places, we said good-bye and made our way outside. Thank God that was over. I wasn't the most photogenic person after the accident, for obvious reasons. But Renee really enjoyed it, so I let her have her fun.

"So, are you going to tell me how we're going to get there?" I asked as Edward helped me slip on my soft white cashmere wrap.

"Well, I was hoping in this, if you're up to it." Edward opened the front door and gestured to the gleaming, black limo that was parked next to my house. I could feel my mouth drop slightly.

"Holy shit, it's a limo," I said faintly as my eyes traced the contours of it. The sleek black form of it looked completely out of place next to my mundane home. I could make out the driver standing in front of it in the darkness, and he tipped his hat towards us when we appeared in the doorway.

"Yeah," Edward said uncertainly, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I know you hate cars and everything, but I was hoping you'd give this a chance for tonight. I made sure the driver is very competent and everything. And I'll be right there with you. Of course, if you'd rather not, we can bike." I pressed a finger to his lips to cut off his word vomit. I was still in too much shock to actually say anything else.

I couldn't help but feel inadequate at his words; he was willing to do anything for me, even to bike all the way to a formal dance while wearing an expensive tux. I mulled the choice over in my head. I need to face this phobia eventually. I was already fighting with the whole 1:11 thing and I was getting my social life back together. I would practice my trumpet and ask for another challenge on Monday. I would study hard with Edward for the English test on Monday as well and hopefully not fail this time. Maybe I'll even try out for the tennis team in the spring. And I would make sure I pass high school and go to my dream school: Stanford. Maybe Edward would even go with me. I needed to let Alice go and let the crash remain in the past. I can't let it control my life. The cons of getting in? My phobia. The pros? Being with Edward. Making him happy. Not looking like a complete mess when we walk in those doors. Maybe even breaking my phobia.

I hesitated before taking a step towards the idling limo. Taking my movement to be agreement, Edward wrapped his arm around me comfortingly as I slowly made my way towards the limo. The driver stepped over to the rear doors and opened it for us, smiling benignly. Before he got in, Edward turned around and glanced at me.

"Are you sure? You don't have to do this," Edward said in a low voice, eyebrows crumpled with worry. I reached up to brush his dark hair out of his eyes, enjoying the feeling of his soft skin and his silky hair. I rubbed my thumb over the crinkle in his forehead, trying to smooth out his worry lines.

"Yeah, I'm sure." My voice sounded a lot more confident than I really was, and I was grateful for that. I didn't need to ruin Edward's night by being such a wuss.

Nodding, Edward slid inside and opened his arms for me to fall into. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply once before joining him. I kept my eyes shut as the motor rumbled alive, making me jump. My breathing quickened as I imagined the limo crashing. Oh my God. We're moving. We're moving. Holy fuck. Shit. Fucking fuck. My panicked thoughts were buzzing around in my head, effectively speeding up my heart rate from my panic.

Edward tightened his arms around me, rubbing my back relaxingly. I could feel the tension leaving as I opened my eyes a minute later. He gazed back at me with anxious eyes.

"I'm okay," I said in a shaky voice. "Really." Even if we did crash, the limo is so big that it would be the lesser damaged one… right? I tried to convince myself of this. _Edward's here,_ I thought firmly. _It'll be okay._ I wasn't completely sure why I was putting so much trust into him, but he made me feel whole again. As silly as it sounded, I felt like nothing could harm me when he was near. There was just that confidence now.

I could feel the flow of the memories pushing against the barrier I built, begging to be let out to wreck more havoc.

"We need some music," I muttered and Edward reached over to press a button. The radio began playing "Shattered" by O.A.R. Really? Was the world really out to get me _that_ much? Oh, the irony was too much.

Edward shot me an anxious look, his hand moving to switch the station, when I reached over to stop it.

"N-no," I stuttered before swallowing to steady my voice. "Leave it on."

I needed to face my demons. I couldn't keep running from them. I didn't want to live like some frightened hermit for the rest of my life. One step at a time. I already got through this song once yesterday without anything horrible happening. I can do it again.

Shudders kept trembling down my body as the ever-familiar lyrics sang over the surround-sound speakers. The tide of memories kept ramming into my mental barrier as I struggled to push it back. I tried to concentrate on Edward's fingers that gently trailed up and down my bare arm.

_How many times can I break till I shatter?..._

The tide transformed into a tsunami at these words, and I would've broken down completely if it wasn't for Edward and the feel of his lips in my hair. _Be strong,_ I recited to myself as I tensed against the assault. The faint sirens started up along with Alice's familiar screaming from the past.

_Give me a break…_ Yes, please do.

_All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered…_ Story of my life, right?

I could taste the faintness of rust and metal in my mouth as my wall started to crack under the pressure. No, no, no. I could smell the burning metal and rubber now. No, no, no. Stop the torture. I'm sorry for what happened, Alice, but I need to get on with my life.

_But I'm good, without you. Yeah, I'm good, without you…_

I'm good without you, Alice. I need to let you go. I'm good without you. I'll always remember you, but I need to continue with my life.

I kept repeated those four words in my head, letting it drown out the nine words from hell as they repeated. _I'm good without you_. I built up my resolve against the memories and slowly, the evidence of the accident in my mind vanished. _I'm good without you._

My eyes peeked open, my breathing still accelerated and tremors still rolling down my back. Edward met my eyes with his worried green ones over the soft pounding of the music. They made me feel confident.

"_Give me a break let me make my own pattern. All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered. I always turn the car around_," I sang under my breath along with the song, slightly out of breath.

Edward smiled softly and tightened his hold on me. "You're so strong, Bella. I love you," he whispered in my ear and those three magic words echoed in my head, drowning out the memories of the accident completely. _I love you_.

"I love you, too, Edward," I murmured back, a warmth filling me. "Thank you."

I would get through this. I would get better. I would get my life back together. And Edward would be there to help me.

The evil song still thumped over the speakers and the limo still rolled down the roads. I was still shaking, both physically and mentally. But I would fight back. And I would win.

_How many times can I break till I shatter?..._

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**A/N: **Tada! This story is almost done. Just the dance, maybe an after-the-dance scene, and then the epilogue.

Please R&R! Thanks much, loves! Those who leave reviews get Edward in a tux!


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